He must be a Sanders kid!

Adry likes going barefoot.
He likes going pantless, too.
As a matter of fact he is completely naked in his swing right now and he's never been more content.

I know what's in my future, now...
A little adolescent Adry running around the neighborhood (and everywhere else he can get away with) barefoot and in shorts in the dead of winter, refusing to wear a coat.
hmmm...
...Jacob is 15 years old and he still goes out in the snow barefoot and wears short sleeves and no coat in the middle of a blizzard. After raising a barefooted daughter my mother has accepted it now, I think. Or maybe she just gave up. She never tells him to wear a coat or shoes anymore... (I don't think she has bothered buying coats for him, either haha.)

Adry also LOVES his swing (as a typical Sanders kid would) and rock/punk music. Forget the happy little baby songs. He gets down to My Chemical Romance, The Cat Empire, The Fratellis, Ghoti Hook, Billy Talent.... Nothing settles him down faster than a little rock n roll (not even kidding. He will stop crying the second I turn it on)

...I should maybe go get dressed now.

baby bath time

He LOVES bath time :-)

Infant Acne.
Aw. Poor Fella.
He seems to have come down with a case of BabyZitMania.
Anyone know anything about it?
Such as-- is there anything I can do to help it? How long does it usually last? Might it cause scarring?

Adry and Daddy

**Notice the thick upper lips, the thin little turtle lips, and the clef chins. I think they are gunna end up looking just alike!

WELCOME TO the not-so-pretty side of MOMMYHOOD

-A city of whiteheads on my chin. Yuck!
-Notice the wide and sleep-deprived eyes.
-My favorite is the hair, of course. It's a nice touch.


OH MY GOSH, but he is SO worth it:




...as long as he's on my lap I'm a happy girl.

Xbox Adry

...takin' after daddy





more pics at myspace.com/strawberryteardrop

AdryLove

I'm sorry, LiveJournal. I just haven't had time for you. Something much more cute has captured my full attention and devotion. (Pictures are posted on MySpace- myspace.com/strawberryteardrop)

LONG STORY SHORT:
-induced on Wednesday March 19 at 9:30 pm
-It didn't work, so we tried another method and I got contractions IMMEDIATELY, and bad. OUCH OUCH
-Got drugged up and started acting loopy. It's weird to think one thing and say another, or feel one emotion and act another.
-Epidural. I was so drugged I didn't care what they did to me. What? risk of cardiac arrest and paralysis? I don't care, doc. Just get it over with!
-Epidural worked in some places and not in others. I still felt contractions the rest of my labor.
-Puked 3x, couldn't even keep down ice chips, was dried out and parched. Totally not fun.
-When it was time to push, my Gyno had to turn the baby around and my epidural miraculously kicked in, so I had to push completely numb. We thought it was going to last hours, but it took no time at all. The doc practically had to hold the baby in while she threw on her gloves and "prepped" me. I thought he was going to fall right out.
-She delivered him March 20th at 2:18pm, held him up to me and said something about how cute he was, then put him on my stomach and I was speechless. I couldn't believe how perfect and beautiful he was.
-He was 7 pounds 13 ounces and 21 1/2 inches long. He has enormous feet and he won't fit in to any of his infant socks, haha :-D
-Adry had a million hospital visitors- He is one loved little kid. Wow- I am so thankful. THANK YOU EVERYONE WHO CAME TO VISIT ADRY!!!!! I think I counted 33 hospital/home visitors in the first 3 days, and most of them came multiple times and stayed a long time and have been WONDERFUL at helping out and spoiling Adry!!!!!!!!!!
-My family is AWESOME and they are all madly in love with Adry. I don't know what I would do without my mother (she just went home yesterday and I miss her. I cried when she left. I'm sure Adry misses her), my dad is the sweetest grandpa in the world (I love him so much it breaks my heart and I'm sure he feels the same for me... I'm certain I saw complete adoration in his eyes when he looked at Adry for the first time), and I'm positive my brothers fell more head over heels for Adry than they expected. (And, who could resist?) Adryel is going to have the coolest uncles in the world by far. Benjamin, of course, is all smiles about being a daddy (despite the fact he's already been peed on twice) and he keeps going on about how cute Adry is. He says, "I'm not just saying that 'cause he's my kid. I'm serious- he is the cutest baby!" I love seeing him hold his son. He's a good daddy.
-I have the BEST best friend. wow. wow wow wow. She was by my side through everything- every contraction, every tummy upset episode (as she was the self designated trashcan holder), the delivery, the recovery. She (and my momma and Ben) held my hand and got me through the toughest AND BEST parts.
-And also, a SPECIAL thank you to Les and Pam who were at the hospital the entire night, from beginning to end, to support me. It's good to have an extra 2 moms around :-) I love those 2 ladies to death.

Adryel is a week old tomorrow. Time is already flying by and I don't plan on wasting a second of it.
LoveJess

ADRY BABY

Many more pictures coming soon :)

BABY TIME

I'll be induced tonight at 8pm.
Check Matt's blog for updates:
http://ACGLoserPunk.BlogSpot.com/

9 frickin months pregnant.

I wanted to show you my 9 mo. pic real quick. I have other updates, but I don't feel like sharing those at the moment. I will soon, hopefully...
Anyways- for now I leave you with only a picture. (More pics can be found on my MySpace, of course: www.myspace.com/strawberryteardrop )

I'm going to have to show you this nine month pregnant belly soon! It's gettin' out of control!
Like, if Adry grows just a LITTLE more (just a wafer thin) I am going to explode.
I am stretched to the max.
And, you know, in the midst of feeling sorry for myself I only recently considered Adry's plight. That poor fellow is probably terribly cramped and uncomfortable... especially now since there is no more room for him to hide when mommy and Aunt Jamie decide to poke around at him.

Nightmares

This is the second night in a row I've woken up from a nightmare with a racing heart and a sick feeling in my gut.
Last night's nightmare need not be mentioned because it would involve digging up an ugly past best left buried deep and long forgotten.
Tonight's nightmare was about me contracting HIV. It was a horrible feeling! And you know how nightmares are worse depending on how your brain and body respond to them? Like- you can have a bloody murderous dream and wake up feeling great, and then you can have another dream about losing your car keys and wake up in a pool of sweat with your heart pounding out of your chest... Well, I woke up from this one really feeling like I'd just had one of the most terrible nightmares ever, and now I can't forget about it. I keep thinking about all those times I've pricked my finger in public places to get my blood sugar, and the possibility that some ugly virus crept right into my bloodstream. *shiver*. I wonder if it is really that easy to get HIV...
Man, now I just wanna go get tested, haha. Stupid nightmare!!

Oh Swell

Introducing...

The Sausage Fingers
... brought to you by pregnancy swelling

Sir Vicks, the Stubborn

I think my doc is giving me an ultrasound on Monday to see how big the baby is...
She said I might just have a lot of fluid.
And also, since I am good and healthy these days (blood pressure improved etc.), I might not get to have the baby as early as I have been hoping.

Oh well.
Whatever's best.

She DID still say that she would really like me to go into labor on my own by this weekend...
...but that it wasn't a likelihood.
Mr. C. Ervicks is only 1 cm.
I tried drinking cod liver oil. I managed to swallow a tspn and then immediately lost the entire contents of my KFC-filled stomach. 5 minutes later I tried to keep down a biscuit and threw that up, too... So... that's not going to work! Does anyone know if pill form is just as effective (theoretically)?

Hubbies, Babies, and Hope

OK, so I totally feel bad now for writing a whole rant against my husband.
Crystal, I agree- we are both stressed. We are both a little anxious for what's JUST around the corner. The unknown is always a little scary and I suppose that it's not just ME that needs more patience and understanding. Ben needs it, too. When I think about things from his perspective I realize he probably feels a huge weight of responsibility that is maybe starting to freak him out- now he has a wife AND a baby to support AND take care of, and of course he has dreams of his own to go to school and start a career- when will there ever be time for that, now? I suppose it's totally understandable that the stress is making him (AND I) a little irritable. Or maybe a lot irritable :)

The truth is I have a great husband and I have no doubt in my mind he will come through for me. He always has and I have absolutely no reason to doubt him. He can turn from Mr. MegaGrumpykins to Super Comforter-Husband in a matter of seconds when he sees I really need him. ...like the day he complained on and on about having to take me to an early doc. appointment, but then when I had to get my blood drawn and I was panicking he kept things light-hearted and held my hand and was so sweet. ...or like just the other night when I was totally emotional, balling my eyes out, convinced that he hated me and he dropped everything he was doing, told me he loved me, and just held me tight against him and let me cry.

Of course today, during "Blizzard of 2008" we've been stuck inside for hours on end with each other which, although we are now completely bored and restless, is probably a good thing. He's been great to me today- making my meals and getting me everything I need so I don't have to move that much (hehe). And I didn't even talk to him about anything! :-D O, and I am EVEN thankful for the Xbox today, haha! It's been entertaining him for hours and is probably the one thing keeping his brain from turning to complete mush like mine is! (OK, no, I was wrong. His brain is mush. He just put his shirt over his head and made a very random whiny sound and then went right back to playing his game... :-))

Well, I love him. To death. Forever. And we are both so excited to meet our son. (ANY TIME, now, ADRY! Except maybe wait until the roads clear up...)

O, and those of you who AREN'T 9 months pregnant- go out and throw yourself in the snow for me! And go sledding! I want to SO bad!

Mawiage... and coping with a third addition

I am so sick of things right now.
Fatty McFatbaby has really taken a toll on my body.
Some days I can't tell if I am really sick or just really pregnant.
It sucks when I think about going through labor when I am already this miserable...
Oh, Lord.

My husband is being really unsympathetic and not at all understanding. I am pretty sick and tired of saying, "Benny, I really don't feel well" only to hear, "well, neither do I!" in response. OK, all I wanted was a little hug and a little encouragement but now I just feel like my misery is only another burden added to my husband's misery.
And why the hell is HE so miserable anyway?? I REALLY need him right now and I feel like he is being just as needy as I am. It makes me even more nervous for labor and delivery. I'm going to be looking to him for comfort and I have nightmares of him saying, "tough it out, cry-baby. I have a headache and this is grossing me out."
I don't know... I really don't know what Ben's problem is right now and I don't have the energy to try to figure it out. I try to talk to him but his fuse is so short he ends up fighting with me. I've gotten to the point where I just shut down and distance myself from him even though it's the last thing I want and I pray pray pray he'll come after me. How can I make him understand? How can I make him understand that I need him to be a little more kind, a little more patient, a little more helpful? How can I make him understand that I know he's stressed out but DUH- so am I- and I just need to be assured that I have his full support and that he will come through for me when I need him now AND after this baby is born. How can I make him understand that even though I love this baby and I am SO excited, I am not exactly sitting on cloud nine in baby heaven loving every minute of it. UGH I NEED HIM SO BAD, but he really needs me, too, and I have no idea how to be there for him. Apparently, right before baby comes into the world-( a baby who is instinctively selfish and demands the attention of everyone around him)- when mommy and daddy are supposed to drop their worlds to make sure he has everything he needs, Ben and I are both feeling under appreciated by each other, and we both want the other's attention. Hm.
I don't know how to fix that because I am completely drained. I feel helpless. I don't have the energy to be the one to step up and put us on the right track again. I wish that, just this once, Ben would be the one to do it.
I think I would feel the whole world lifted from my shoulders if he would at least be willing to spend some time with me and nicely talk to me about it (for longer than 3 minutes and without the interruptions of video games, movies, or freakin text messaging :-/ And BTW I am beginning to really resent XBox 360 and unlimited text messaging since these things seem to be far more interesting than I am these days).

Anyways, I love him so much. That's why I need him so much. I could have the support of the whole world and still feel alone if I don't have Ben.

Quick Baby Update

So, I am still healthy! No Preeclampsia. But I am SO miserable! (No seriously.)
And the baby is SO big! Had a baby appointment today and the doc shook my belly around and said, "this baby is NOT small!" and then said that if I go into labor NEXT week it'd be ideal, otherwise it looks like she will induce me on the 20th. Basically, the kid needs to come out and he needs to come out all on his own and it needs to be SOON. I'd rather go into labor naturally- I don't really wanna be induced :-/. But anyways, I guess I won't be waiting until the 27th!

To: Life

Hello, Life!
I'm trying to embrace you but I am so tired.
I am trying to eat right and stay showered and looking nice, but this takes a lot of effort.
I'm trying to stay hydrated but it hurts to get up and pour myself a glass of water.
I'm tying to be optimistic, but I am worried about something.
O, life...
I'm going to get up and try again!
I'm going to ignore the allure of my comfortable bed and try to live you a little.
And maybe I'll fold some laundry while I'm at it.
You may be moving faster than me at the moment, but I'll catch up to you!
In the meantime, cut me a little slack will ya'?

With love and appreciation,
Jessica E.

Adry's Nursery

...I just thought I would share Adry's room with you.
I didn't paint or wallpaper or do anything extraordinary. His room is basically a collection of gifts all put together, but still... I love just going in there to sit because it's HIS room- my little baby that's still inside of me kicking my ribs at this very moment. Soon I'll be in that room with him laying him down to sleep, nursing him, changing his diapers, dressing him, walking him in there after a bath all wrapped up in a ducky-hooded towel... This is REALLY real! He's coming, and he's coming SOON! I'm gunna be a MOM! There's no turning back- my life is changed forever. I wouldn't have it any other way.




...so maybe the ducky is out of place, but I don't care. It was his first stuffed animal given by grandma! :)






...changing table from Gma&Gpa Sanders (as in my parents), curtains made by Gma Ellwood (AKA mother-in-law). On the wall to the left of the changing table is my incomplete picture collage. I plan on filling the whole thing with pictures after he is born, and so far I just have the background, a few Winnie the Pooh pictures, and like 4 photos. It won't look so bright-colored when I am finished.






This rocking chair was a gift from Gma Ellwood (mother-in-law). She made the cushion, too.






The crib, mobile, and basket o' toys (including the football my cousin-in-law Blake gave to Adry, hehe)






...the bassinet Jamie got me. It's in my bedroom beside my bed, and you can excuse the hamper of clothes behind it that desperately needs folded :-D

And I leave you with this:

This is what I look like when I am 8 months pregnant after staying up ALL night, then sleeping from about noon to after 4 pm, then posting on LJ like a zombie. I'm sure you are so glad I have a MacBook, now, so I can use PhotoBooth and share these pleasantly beautiful moments with you!

SincerelyJess

Oh, and...

Check this sucker out:





There is a BABY in there! I'm not even kidding!
A BABY that doesn't care if my pancreas, kidneys, and liver aren't working properly, as long as he can sleep, eat, and kick me in the bladder! A baby who also does not care that the skin on my tummy has been stretched to the max- it is thin and shiny and itchy and has some pretty amazing stretch marks I must admit, as you can see for yourself.

Ben and I got our MacBook today. Totally cool! I love it!




I have so much to tell you, LiveJournal!

It is possible I could be coming down with Preeclampsia. My blood pressure has been high, I've been swollen, and recent lab results said one of my liver functions was elevated. On Wednesday they took another lab and told me that if the results were any worse they were going to take the baby that very night. The good news is (and yes, I had to convince myself it was indeed good news) the results were actually better, so Adry is still hangin' IN there where he belongs, even if my body doesn't quite agree. My doc says we need to atLEAST try and make it to 38 weeks- full term.




All in all I've been feeling like crap. It's true. Every movement I make is seriously painful. Like suck-in-my-breath painful. That stinkin' Sciatic nerve gets pinched all the time, but the MOST painful thing of all is the pelvic/pubic bone pains. When I lay down it takes me like a full minute to turn from my back to my side, or from side to side because it hurts so bad I have to move very slowly. Also, I HATE going from sitting or laying to standing because every step shoots pain throughout my body. And let's just forget about bending down- it's pretty much an impossibility now.

The good news is I am SO ready for this baby!!! I have everything I really need! My mother-in-law stopped by today and gave me my crib mattress, Winnie the Pooh window curtains, a rocking chair, and like 10 packs of diapers and 3 packs of wipes. Now I feel like everything is complete and what the heck else are you waiting for, Adry?? Oh, for your lungs to mature? lungs shmungs! I never did get the chance to mop and vacuum the floors, but at this point I don't think that is something I am able to do. I'm supposed to be staying off my feet as much as possible-- both the doc. and my body are making that quite clear. If my doc gave me the OK, then my pelvis would surely object. If I am extremely lucky I might be able to talk Ben into doing it for me...
....anyone wanna come over and clean my floors? $10? $20? I'm being mostly serious! I can barely move and clean floors would be very refreshing!

*BY THE WAY* My brother said he was going to be doing a frequent picture post update in his blog when I go into labor: http://acgloserpunk.blogspot.com/

Well, you should be hearing from me more now that I have my Mac. Woohoooo! :-) But I am out for now...

GoodNight

Goodbye Computer

Our computer crashed.  It's completely dead.  Like, it won't turn on AT ALL.
Luckily we are ordering our MAC Notebook soon, so we won't have to live without it for too long...
But until then my visits to MySpace, LiveJournal, and Facebook will probably be few and far between- limited to the times I can use my parents' desktop.

AND JUST A WARNING:
If you are planning on investing in a laptop anytime in the future do NOT get a Dell. 
I recommend Macs if you aren't a gamer or anything...  My brother and several of my friends have Macs and they LoveLoveLove them.

NESTING POWERS ACTIVATE! ...Bacteria Beware

Is there a such thing as a rational, nesting mother-to-be?

*Everything must be disinfected.  Even the silverware holder for some reason.  Even the stuffed animals on my bed.  Even the walls.
*My toenails must be painted, my fingernails filed.  This is perhaps the strangest nesting symptom.
*The floors must be cleaned, vacuumed, and mopped.
*It is not possible to have too much of anything.  I've stocked up on waterproof matress pads, waterproof bassinett pads, crib and bassinett sheets, changing table covers, baby med. supplies, socks, bibs, etc. etc. etc. etc.  I still plan on getting some more things.
*I am reading and learning everything I can about SIDS and everything on the market I can possibly get my hands on to reduce atLEAST my anxiety.
*And all these things must be accomplished NOW.  NOW NOW NOW.  Just in case Adry wakes up one day in one of those crazy and impulsive Sanders moods and decides that an early arrival into the world is a fine idea.  (And, might I add, if he asked me about it beforehand I would only half-heartedly tell him it's best to stay inside until he's more prepared.  I would end off the conversation with, 'but you do what you have to do.  You are my son and I'll love you no matter what.' and i'd seal it with a wink.)

Motherhood,
I am ready for you!!  Bring. it. on.  (please)
LoveJess

Just testing this thing out...

I made a Facebook and linked my LJ public posts to it and wanted to see how it worked....

Look me up on Facebook, btw!

Hello, Morning!

SO much to do, so little energy!  
I left my parents' house at midnight, came strait home expecting to put some things away, eat, take my vitamins, get ready for bed, and sleep clean and peacefully.  Instead I made the enormous mistake of sitting on my bed, then leaning on Jumbo (my cuddle hippo) to get comfortable, then laying my head down, then passing out until 6 in the morning.

I WAS trying to grow my hair out, but I decided I'm going to cut it real short again and start the whole process over.  Why, you ask?  Because I've dyed it so many times it is dry and damaged and icky.  I wanna start fresh and take good care of it this time so it looks nice when it's long.  Any recommendations for hairstyles that look good with round faces?

Motherhood and Jenny McCarthy

 I am really getting a kick out of reading Jenny McCarthy's Baby Laughs.  My mom bought it for me despite her ultra conservativeness (which I'm starting to believe is just a big put-on *winks and waves at Mom who is undoubtedly reading this).  When she reads it she can't stop laughing so she HAD to get it for me :-).

Anyways, I can already relate to a lot of the stuff she talks about and it's kinda refreshing to hear a real personal account and a humorous twist to the torture that women endure when stepping into mommyhood.  Seeing as how I am not a mother yet, some of it also surprises me, and maybe scares me a little, too.  She talks about when her son pooped ALL over the place- he was covered from head to toe and it was a nightmare to clean him off... and it happened more than once  (How does that happen??  I'm NOT excited for that!  everyone always warns me, 'Oh, I hope you're ready for spit up and poopy diapers,' but those seem like a piece of cake compared to poop EVERYWHERE!)  She also talks about leaking boobs.  Ok, I KNEW I was going to have to face that, but I just thought I could get bra pads and *WAHLAH*- problem solved... but Jenny talks about how she would literally leak puddles and oftentimes pads just weren't enough.  (Embarassing, right?)

Here's a part I can already REALLY relate to:
(Jenny is talking about the first time since she gave birth that she got up the guts to look in the mirror) "I didn't know what to cry about first.  I still had two chins.  I had purple, veiny, giant tits.  Cottage cheese holes were dripping down my thighs, to the point that I couldn't see my knees, and the absolute, hands-down worste thing was the deflated tire around my waiste, a jelly roll that jiggled and slapped each side of my body when I shook back and forth.  [...] I simply stood there and stared in awe at Mother Nature's artwork.  I was so glad my husband was not home to see the piglet monster.  I just wish once in a man's lifetime he could experience what a woman has to go through to give birth.  My husband hadn't seen me completely naked in months, and you could be damn sure he wasn't gonna start then..."

HA!  Yeah.  I've learned a lot of things about motherhood already.  It's exhasting.  It's stressful.  The worries never end.  It's messy.  I'll be pooped on, thrown up on, and peed on.  I'm going to be a sleep deprived zombie for a while.  It's NOT going to be a fun joyride.  But it is simply the most beautiful, lovely, and fulfilling experience-- an opportunity to put myself to the side and pour out all my love on another humanbeing.  You know what?  I'M EXCITED!!!  I'm excited for those times when he is calm and content and I can just lay beside him, staring at him, thinking about how beautiful he is.  I'm excited to feel his little toes and for his little hands to grasp onto me.  I'm excited for him to fall asleep in my arms.  I'm excited to pick out his clothes and dress him, and for his first smile and his first laugh and his first everything!  I'm excited to watch him grow up so I can pick out his personality traits that he gets from me and his dad.  I'm ready to me a MOM!

A Little Piece of William Barclay on the Kingdom of Heaven

Again, the Kingdom of Heaven is like the Merchant who was seeking goodly pearls.  When he had found a very valuable pearl he went away and sold everything he had, nad bought it.  (Matthew 13:45,46)

 "Let us remember what the Kingdom of Heaven is.  To be in the Kingdom is to accept and to do the will of God.  That is to say, to do the will of God is no grim, gray, agonizing thing; it is a lovely thing.  Beyond the discipline, beyond the sacrifice, beyond the self-denial, beyond the cross, there lies the supreme loveliness which is nowhere else.  There is only one way to bring peace to the heart, joy to the mind, beauty to the life, and that is to accept and to do the will of God.
It is suggestive to find that there are many pearls, but there is only one pearl of great price.  That is to say, there are many fine things in this world, and there are many things in which a man can find loveliness.  He can find loveliness in knowledge and in the reaches of the human mind, in art and music and literature and all the triumphs of the human spirit; he can find loveliness in serving his fellow-men, even if that service springs from humanitarian rather than from purely Christian motives; he can find loveliness in human relationships.  These are all lovely, but they are lesser lovelinesses.  The supreme beauty lies in the acceptance of the will of God.  This is not to belittle the other things; they too are pearls; but the supreme pearl is the willing obedience which makes us friends of God."
-William Barclay

Inetsplora

 I'm just playing around on LiveJournal trying to learn new things...
I realized I should probably start doing that LiveJournal Cut thing, at least for the sake of my ACTUAL LiveJournal friends (ALL THREE OF THEM) and the benefit of their Friends Page.  My appologies, LJ friends.
Also, since I suck at spelling, is there a setting I can use that automatically does spell check AS I am typing (like MS Word)?  Other people's computers seem to do this, and I'm not sure how.  I could really use it, though!

Cool

 dooood,
I just realized I could open up my comment settings so that anyone can comment.
Cool!
Speaking of "cool", one of the little guys I tutor was telling me a story (that I more than likely was only half understanding) and I said, "That's cool" and he said, "what does that mean?"
How does one explain the true essence of "cool" to a kindergartner? 

And since I'm rather smart and cunning...

 OMG, I just freakin love it when...
My cellphone rings and I answer it- "Hello...  Hello?"- just to slam it down like it's the dumbest piece of technology in the world, and then realize it was a text.  NOT a call.
And I've done this... more than once.

You know, there is really no room for pride when you are Jessica Ellwood.

The earth is shaking, there are GIANTS in the land!

 Dear LiveJournal,
I just wanted to stop by and assure you that I AM ALIVE!
I am indeed alive.  Alivex2.
And today, in the midst of being alive, I was wondering where I stand politically.
1) I don't like when people just throw around the term "independent".  I think kids try to convince others (and maybe themselves) that they are independent so that they seem all open-minded.  I don't think I am an independent.
2) Although I would never consider myself liberal either, I thought I held a lot of liberal views.  I wouldn't vote against abortion or same-sex marriage.  I'm not a huge fan of George W. or the Iraq war.  I am against the death penalty.  yadda yadda.  yadda yadda.
3) But the more I think about it, I think my REASONS for being for or against such things are very right-winged reasons.  Republicans believe in very limited Federal government power, right?  Well, the reason I would never vote for outlawing same-sex marriage or abortion is because I think those issues are personal issues of the heart and the gov. should butt out.  I also don't think our judicial system is flawless enough to decide who lives and who dies.  I believe in the freedom to homeschool or unschool or to be educated however the heck you wanna be and I think they should butt out of that, too.  I think our healthcare system has some major kinks, but I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT WANT a Universal Healthcare system and the thought of one actually really freaks me out.  [My mom's friend's father just passed away from cancer in Canada, and the quality of the care he received there was very poor compared to here.  You get what you pay for, but I DO agree that there is a group of people who really fall through the cracks (make too much to get Medicaid, don't make enough to buy insurance, etc) and I think healthcare should be more accessible to them.]  Well, AnyHways, the more I think about it, the more I wonder if maybe I am just completely, totally OFF THE CHARTS right-winged.  SO radically right that I don't really trust the FedGov. to make ANY decisions for me.  I don't want them to regulate any part of my life.  Maybe this is also why I am a Southern sympathizer when it comes to the Civil War-- MORE POWER TO THE STATES, man!  And to the mom and pop stores that get crushed by corporations.  Maybe it's because I am so radically right that I haven't liked a single presidential candidate enough to vote for them since I've been old enough to vote.

Well, I better be going now.  There are very important things to do, you know.
LoveJess

Oh, and PS:  If you'd like a glimpse into the mind of T Matt Sanderz, who once said "well of corse i know ur saying 'you t-matt sanders, of corse it went well, ur like.... amazing' and i understand how it seems that way to most, there have been a few here and there that have sneered in my direction or made rude obscene gestures on my behalf. but to those people i say, get so therapy and forgive your father for touching you in ur 'no no places'", then check out his blog at  http://acgloserpunk.blogspot.com/.  That kid makes me laugh, so maybe you'll get a kick out of him :-).

precious cheeseburger

 Ok. Update.
There is nothing going on.
There is nothing to write about.
My brain is on pause with the rest of my life.

A few weeks ago I finally put away all of the Christmas decorations and stuffed the boxes back in the shed...
And I just realized the multi-colored lights are still on the porch.
DANG IT!
O well- that will just have to be their home for a few months.  I'm not dragging those boxes back out.
No way.

Yesterday my blood sugar was low all day (70s, 80s)...
I started thinking, 'Hey! Maybe I've been CURED!' haha!
Yeah.  I ate some peanutbutter bread and milk this morning and it was 142.
WTH, GOSH!  Thanks for smashing my wishful hopes, stupid pancreas!
I also recently discovered I can no longer drink lemonade, so now the liquids on my menue are milk and water.  That's it.
Apparently light lemonade has aspartame in it (some sugar alchohol), which if OFF LIMITS to pregnant folks like myself.
OOPS.
The good news is, my pregnancy craving recently has been FATTY milk-
something I can actually have!
Yes, I had to graduate from skim to 2% and I am still craving whole.
I think maybe it's because I haven't been gaining enough weight lately.
I've only gained three pounds since early November, and 0 pounds this past month. 
This is supposed to be the time I am rapidly gaining weight, right?
You think that's why my body is craving fat??
I am also craving a BIG HUGE cheeseburger!  With PICKLES and MUSTARD and ONION!
OH MY!
I may need to invest in this... VERY SOON!
I have to wait until Ben gets home, though :(
But I guess I can wait until then...

"Cuz I loves you, cheeseburger with all of my heart
And there's nuthin gunna tear us two apart
...and if the world suddenly ran out of cheese,
I would get down on my hands and knees
to see if someone accidently dropped their cheese in the dirt
and I'd wash it off for you, wipe it off for you, clean that dirty cheese off just for you!
Cuz you're my cheeseburger
and I will wait for you!"

^I can think of NO other occasion when that song would be more perfect!

WANTED: Stinky College Kids and Large Dog

Adry presses his foot really hard against my tummy and leaves it there for several seconds.
My stomach looks totally deformed when he does it...
and it feels kinda weird, too.
I also had a dream last night that he was kicking at the bottom of my ribcage and it hurt.
I wonder if he was doing that in real life and I just didn't wake up?
O, that Adry!

I got nervous for the first time the other day about being a mom.
I wasn't necessarily nervous about raising a child
as much as being responsible for a completely helpless and fragile life.

In other news:
I've fallen back into my horrible habit of falling asleep at 1am and then waking up about 4 hours later to get ready for bed.
(Hence the 5:25am LJ post.)
I hate when that happens,
it's just that when I get sleepy I get REALLY sleepy and pass out.

AND
Detectives were watching my apartment complex all day today
(err, yesterday that is).
I know this because when I walked outside at 1:20p there were three similar SUVs parked in the middle of the parking lot facing my side of the court.  In each SUV there was one man in the diver's seat with the window rolled down.
At 2:00p they were still there.
I thought to myself,  'hm, that's suspicious'
so I called Ben and he said there was a guy in an SUV when he left for work at 10:30a.
I decided to call the apartment complex office.
They put me on hold twice.
Finally, a man picked up and told me that the gentleman in the SUV was a police officer
and that he was wrapping up an investigation from an arrest he made earlier.
...Not too long ago (a month or two maybe) Ben and I had these neighbors downstairs.
We thought they were just some dumb college kids that always blared music and smoked pot.
We smelled it.  A lot.
There were also people going in and out of the apartment all day,
so we just supposed they were doing a little more than smoking.
In a matter of weeks they got busted (we thought for obvious reasons)--
Ben came home to cop cars all over the place and police officers dragging their big dog into custody (? lol).
I wonder if THAT'S the arrest that is still being investigated?
If so, those guys must have been into some serious stuff seeing as how it is still being investigated months later!
GEESH!
And in the end it makes me wonder:
Why was their dog arrested?
lol

Jessica [n. jes.i.kuh]:

My name is Jessica LeAnne (Sanders) Ellwood.

 

I believe in God.

I believe he created the universe and everything in it.

I believe he created man, and gave man the god-like ability to create.

I believe in free will.

 

I believe in worship,

And that worship is a daily decision to recognize and obey God.

 

I believe in Heaven and Hell,

That Heaven is an eternity in God’s presence

And Hell is simply eternity in his absence.

I can’t wrap my mind around a fire and brimstone Hell of eternal torture.

I just don’t buy it.

 

I am a Christian.

I believe that Jesus Christ is the son of God, that he died for my sins, and that he rose again in the third day.

 

I guess I could also be considered a Heretic.

I believe in evolution, or at least in its possibility.

I do not believe in a 7 day creation.

I believe the Earth is millions of years old, or at least I am very convinced!

I’m not sure I believe in a worldwide flood,

And I believe in the possibility of the extra terrestrial, or life on other planets.

 

I believe in the church,

That it is the body of Christ

And that it is worldwide and should be completely unified.

 

But I also understand the necessity of denomination-

To define a set of acceptable beliefs and practices

Because too many non-denominational churches divide and crumble over disagreements concerning biblical interpretation.

 

I am a Strait Edge girl.

I don’t smoke. I don’t drink. I don’t have sex outside of marriage.

However,

I think weed should be legalized. 

And to be completely honest

If it were, I would have to do some major thinking about whether its something I would do or not

Because it would probably work 10x better than Xanex and is better than being on the verge of suicide.

 

Which brings me to Depression.

An old friend.

I am familiar with him, and he with me, and I’m okay with that.

 

But Anxiety is a different story.

I hate anxiety.

It effects my life every day

And I would do anything to destroy it.

 

I believe in God’s loving grace.

It is sufficient.

At times it is far more.

I lay my burdens at his feet and he carries them for me.

Sometimes he carries me.

I owe my life to grace.

 

I am…

Defiant to the bone.

Strong willed.

Short tempered.

And often unmotivated.

 

I am not…

A positive thinker

A people-pleaser

A peace keeper

 

I…

Love.

Forgive.

Try to understand perspectives and motivations.

Admit when I am wrong and will be the first to apologize.

Do NOT expect people to live by what I believe unless they claim to believe

And do NOT judge the lifestyles of those who do not believe.

 

I HATE…

Holding grudges, even when it is so hard to let it go.

Being misunderstood without being given the chance to explain myself.

Self-indulgence, self-centeredness, self-rightousness, self-worship.

Arrogance.

 

I LOVE…

FAMILY.

Purity.

Beauty.

Truth.

Passion.

Community.

Peace.

 

I like…

Photographs/ photography-

(I’m no good at it but I sure do appreciate it).

Clothes, jewelry, hair, and other girly things.

Ohio and all four weather seasons.

Lakes, boating, trees, picnics, and flowers.

Novels.

Reflective writing.

Letters.

Movies.

Romance.

Home.

 

I aspire to be…

A lifelong learner.

A lifelong friend.

A flexible, open-minded educator who cares and makes a difference.

A supportive and loving daughter and sister who can always be counted on.

A forever faithful, encouraging, understanding, and affectionately loving wife.

A good, righteous, adoring, unconditionally loving mother who raises godly children,

And a dedicated disciple of God- always surrendering, always loving, always trusting, always obeying.

 

Well, that's ME!

I just went to take a drink of lemonade and completely missed my mouth.  I was a few centimeters shy.
Isn't that supposed to be something humans instinctively know how to do?
Aren't our hands and brain supposed to be coordinated in such a way that we can drink without looking at or feeling our mouths to make sure we are hitting the right spot?
Apparently I am dysfunctional.

Also, it is January 21st (my MOM'S BIRTHDAY, BTW!!-- HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOMMA!!!!) and I still have my Christmas decorations up.  Talk about being lazy and procrastinating!  I promised myself I would get that done today.

"And now for something completely different:"

I've been thinking lately that there are areas in my life I need to shape up. prune. refine. whatever.
1) I recently noticed I am in a spiritual rut.  Big time.  I'm walking into a glass door over and over and it's getting me nowhere.  I am BORED.  I am bored as heck with church.  I can't stand to wake up and go anymore (but I do).  I am even bored with reading my daily William Barclay.  I LOVE Barclay, but I've been skipping out on him a lot, lately.  I am bored with praying- I feel like me and God are at that stage where we are an old couple completely used to each other, but we try to set a date at a nice restaurant to spend time together and we just end up sitting there in silence because there just isn't much to say.
I need REVIVAL!!!

"I concede, my love, that I need your love
I'm before you, a broken man.
And it's only you, no substitutes, who can renew this soul again...
I'd rather burn for you than fade away,
I'd rather burn for you than go my way."
-Toby Mac

2) I need to STOP WORRYING! 
I think way too much about what has gone wrong and what could go wrong.

3) I need to FORGIVE MYSELF! 
I blame myself for a LOT.
I am afraid that if there is anything wrong with Adry I will blame myself for the rest of my life.
I will blame myself for not eating the best I could,
or for not going to the dentist or the Gastro Paresis specialist on time,
or for not controlling my blood sugar well enough,
or for forgetting my vitamins sometimes,
or for playing music too loud,
or taking too hot of showers,
or breathing too many cleaning chemicals,
or laying on my back and right side too often,
for not exercising,
or for dying my hair,
or for a THOUSAND other things I could have done better during pregnancy.

And yeah, maybe I could have done better.  Maybe I could have been more careful sometimes.  But I need to LET IT GO!  The past is the past and there's NOTHING I can change about it.  I can only move forward.  Of course I want everything PERFECT for Adry.  Of course I want him COMPLETELY healthy from head to toe.  Chances are, he'll be a perfectly happy and healthy baby boy, but if something happens to be "wrong" I know I'll have the strength to deal with it, tackle it one day at a time, and he'll still be by beautiful son NO MATTER WHAT and I need to find peace, faith, and assurance in that.
And, if anything happens to be "wrong", I so desperately need to not blame myself.
Let go. Move on. Grow. Strengthen. Seek beauty, faith, peace.

I need to focus on:
a REAL beauty,
a DEEPER truth,
an ACTIVE love,
what's REAL,
what's RIGHT,
and what's IMPORTANT.

So... I know what I need to do.
Now I just need to do it.

LoveJess

Big Boys need Big Bellies

O, how Adry has grown!

^Current. 7 Months Pregnant

Jacob Stinks

Hahahaha.  I just found this video on my computer.  It's obviously from a while ago...  I'd never seen it before and had no clue I had it.

This is what Jacob does when he is bored:


YEP!  That's my little brother! :-)

Dear Adry, have you considered speeding up this growing and developing process? Please do.

They weren't lyin' when they said the second trimester is the pregnancy honeymoon!
I'm not sure I fully appreciated the second trimester until I graduated to the third a few weeks ago.

1) My mood swings are back with a vengeance!  People annoy me.  I feel like:  I just want to be left alone; It's Me and Adry vs. The World; No one understands.  Oh, and don't mind my sudden and frequent bursts of self-pity tears.

2) My upset stomache is back.  I find myself hovering over a toilet/trashcan every few days and gagging my meals down one bite at a time.  The saltine crackers have once again taken up residence on the headboard of my bed.

3) Frequent urination.  'nuf said.

4) Stretch marks.  everywhere.  I get depressed about my body sometimes.  It used to not bother me, but now it is starting to.  I don't like what I see in the mirror anymore-- any part of it. Not my face or the fat under my chin or my sausage hands or the stretch marks on my knees, thighs, hips, underbelly, and even boobs!  When Ben and I first got married I was at my ideal weight for my shape and size-- about 105 pounds, size 1 or 2 pants.  This was actually about 10 pounds heavier than I was in High School, but I enjoyed fitting into adult sized clothing, lol.  In the two and a half years that Ben and I were married BEFORE I got pregnant I gained like 35 pounds (I know- WOW!  I blame Ben- I acquired his horrible eating habbits ;-), so I was already too big.  I at least had the hope, though, that I could shed the pounds and get back to my little 100 pound self-- I started HxC dieting and excercising and was doing really well until I got pregnant.  Now, 7 months and 20 pounds later I weigh 160 and am feeling pretty down about it.  Stretch marks are an ugly, ugly reminder. 

5) ...and then there's everything else including sleepless nights of tossing and turning, horrible back pain and body aches, diabetes of course, worrying, breathing problems etc. etc.

Oh, second trimester, I miss you!

I will post 7 month pictures soon-- in a much happier post :)

So Long, and Thanks for all the Fish

Adry and I can interact now.  We do, but in simple ways.  He feels me, and I feel him.

He can feel it when I put pressure on my tummy.  When I sit with my arms crossed on my belly, he rubs his feet across my arm several times until I take it away.  When I put fetal moniters on my belly he kicks right at them.  He also kicks my hand when I push down on my belly.  Sometimes he'll push his foot against my stomache so hard I can actually feel the shape and size of it!  If I rub his little foot with my finger he'll leave it there until I stop!

OH MY GOSH can I really wait 10 whole weeks to meet him?  I WANT HIM NOW!  Plus, he is already so heavy.  I feel like someone put a couple of bricks in me and I am lugging them around.

Hadrian died today.  What a shame.  No more stinky fish.  He'd been lazying around at the bottom of his bowl for days- I knew the end was near.  Benny was actually upset, that sap (hehe).  It's probably just because the guilt from his brutal fish murdering past is eating at him.  He did, afterall, flush Vladimir down the toilet alive a couple of years ago when we were going on vacation!  At least Francois and Hadrian we able to die peacefully and naturally.

I've completely run out of wearable shoes.  There are TWO pairs of footwear I can still fit into: my polkadot boots and some house slippers.  Obviously, neither are appropriate to wear to work, so today I squished my feet into an old pair of black dress shoes and now my feet are bruised!  I haven't decided if it's because my feet are swollen or if they've just grown due to the ligaments stretching.  (Pregnancy hormones soften your ligaments and makes them stretchy to prepare your body for the birthing process.)  I really hope it's the latter.

Anyway, I'm gettin' offa here.  My back hurts!
ForeverLove

Hey, what's the big idea?

I am finally feeling better!  Hooray!
I'm not totally better, but I am getting there.  slowly.  very slowly.

Let's see... I was sick for about 2 weeks with an aweful, lingering cold.  One of those days I had the stomache flu on top of that.  AAAND, seeing as how I've had sinus problems the past few months, all of the congestion from the cold just made it so much worse, and at times unbareable.

I am finally getting used to this diabetes diet/schedule.  Thank goodness I only work 2 nights a week!  I don't know how I could do it if I worked full time.  I have to eat every two hours and check my sugar 4 times a day, 2 hours after meals.  If I don't eat enough I get ketones (which, I guess is when your body is not getting enough sugar so it starts to break down your protein? I'm not positive- I haven't researched it, I've just been told.  I also have to check my urine for ketones every morning and sure enough- if I don't eat enough they are there!), so it's not like I can skip meals and not worry about it.  I find I am eating a LOT more food on this diet (made out for me by a diabetes diatition) than I was before I had diabetes.  I used to just eat a sandwich, a fruit cup, and a glass of milk for lunch.  Now I eat mac n cheese, broccli, a fruit cup, a glass of milk, and some ham slices, then 2 hours later I eat 2 cups of popcorn and a cup of grapes, and two hours after that I'm onto a slice and 1/2 of pizza, a salad, a glass of milk, more fruit, yadda yadda...  My entire day is centered around eating and finger pricks!

TRY THIS, FOLKS: I've not eaten anything sweet (including chocolate milk, soda, donuts, pancakes, honey, syrup, cookies, jelly, jam, fruit juice, candy, granola bars, ceral, regular hot chocolate, pies, cakes, icecream) for nearly a MONTH now, and that was including CHRISTMAS, NEW YEAR'S EVE/MY ANNIVERSARY, AND my BIRTHDAY!  Yep.  As soon as I have this kid I am going to Bobs and getting like 5 hotcakes drenched in syrup and I'll wash them down with a gallon of chocolate milk, then I am going to that little donut shop in Hilliard and eating like 4 iced raspberry donuts, then I'll eat a few PB and honey sandwiches, some iced sugar cookies, drink a few cokes, enjoy a Gaeters black raspberry chip waffle cone, and ONLY after all of that will I go on a diet to loose all the baby weight ;-)!  I mean, I deserve to make up for the holidays, right?

So, all I can think about right now is pregnancy, food, and blood.  sorry.  Though it may not be particularly interesting, it's sort of consuming.  I mean, I've been sick the past 2 weeks, so what else is going on?  nothing!  Just baby, food, blood. baby, food, blood. baby, food, blood.
OH, and the National Championship--> That was a, um, spirit lifter for sure. :-/.  Oh well, there is always next year!

I gotta go eat

Christmas/New Year's Eve Picture Post

This picture is of me and some of my mom's friends at her Christmas cookie exchange.  My mom's friends in this pic are: Irene, Les, Sandie, Pam

Christmas
Christmas was great.  I had a wonderful day with my family, and with Ben's family.

This was my parents' family room on Christmas morning.


Wahlah- Ben and I got a changing table from my parents for Christmas!  Ben's parents got us the matching crib.  I like the set a lot- I think it is very nice.


The traditional stairs picture- Matt, Ben, Reese Pete, Jacob, me.  I look terrible... oh well.  Every year on Christmas morning there must be a picture taken on the stairs as we wait to be welcomed into the family room with all of the presents.




Jacob got a sweet new guitar for Christmas.  I'm a huge fan- I think it's a pretty one.  I got him a fantastic strap to go with it, I might add.

Well, those are all of the Christmas pictures I have.  Later that afternoon Jamie and Stephan came over and we had a yummy lunch and ended the evening playing Pictionary, which was super fun.  OH MAN- Jamie has some funny pics of that on her camera that I wish I could share, but alas I don't have them :-(.

New Year's Eve:
Happy 25 Anniversary Mom and Dad!
Happy 3 Anniversary Jess and Ben!
Let me start off by explaining that on New Year's Eve I had the flu.  It was terrible and I felt like Death.  No- I literally felt like whatever I touched would die and decay before my eyes.  I had been puking all day and it took ALL of my willpower to get out of bed.  Sooo, PLEASE excuse the fact that I look absolutely terrible in these pictures!

Anyway, we started the night off by going to see the movie The Great Debaters, which I thought was really good, actually.  It surprised me.  I cried.  Pregnancy hormones are solely to blame for that.  Afterwards we went to the Japanese Steak House and we brought in the New Year there.


Excuse me, sir, our food is on fire.


Mom and Les= cute best friends


Dad and Ben got to play the drums...


...Jacob played the tamborein and Tay was a "monkey boy" (as the little Japanese man called him) along with Matt...


...and this little guy sang.  That was an interesting experience, lol.




Mrs. Sicko and Ben on their anniversary!


Ben, Jessi, Matt








Yep. They been married fer twennyfav years.








Do you see the little Japanese man in the middle of this picture?  At midnight he started dancing all around the restaurant like a monkey.  I was lucky enough to be the recipient of a very large monkey kiss on the cheek.

Well, those are all of the pictures I have for now!
Enjoy!
:-)

LoveJess

Ben Ten

"Ben Ten" is a nickname someone gave to Ben, but I'm not sure who.

Anyway, Ben and I are officially in our FOURTH year of marriage.  It’s amazing.  I love him more dearly every day.  In light of our recently celebrated third anniversary I decided to make a list of the top 10 things I love about Benny.

 

Ben Top Ten

 

10) I love his eyes.  He has these wonderful almond eyes that are the prettiest shade of green.  Maybe Adry will be so lucky J.

 9) I love how he can be so goofy.  True, his sense of humor is so cliché BOY but I love it anyway.  I don’t think I could ever put up with someone too serious for too long. 
 

 

8) Benjamin is totally into music, and I 100% appreciate that.  His style of music is TOTALLY not mine, but I don’t care- I just love that he is musical.  He plays the guitar, writes lyrics, and enjoys singing (AKA screaming) to metal music.  Over the years he has written songs/poems about me, and what girl doesn’t like that?  I grew up in a family who was completely all about music- my dad plays just about every instrument he can get his hands on (he owns and plays piano, guitar, harmonica, drums, several other percussion instruments including congas and timbales, and he’s not too shabby at bass), my brother Matt plays drums and guitar, and my other brother plays bass and guitar.  In other words, I’ve grown to love music and people who play music, and Ben fits right in with my family.  

 

7) Benjamin is fiercely loyal.  I think this is a trait that he gets from his family.  I’ve noticed that when they decide to support something, they stick by it.  I mean, they REALLY stick by it.  For example, when Ben started working for Verizon Wireless, that company all of the sudden walked on water- according to him they are by far the biggest and best cell phone company and no others can even compare.  He is loyal to his car mechanic, certain politicians, Fifth Third bank, and even Target who laid him off after he worked for them for 6 years.  Even though I don’t understand it sometimes, I LOVE it.  Why?  Because he is also fiercely loyal to ME and the things that are important to me including my family, my schooling, my dreams, etc.  I’ve noticed over the years that if someone hurts Ben he can get very angry, but he also forgives and forgets quite easily.  The rules all change, however, if someone hurts me or one of my family members.  If you hurt me or someone I love, you are pretty much on Ben’s bad side for a lifetime.

 

6) I love that Benny likes to learn.  He likes to read and think about new things.  He likes to be knowledgeable.  This is almost a secret pleasure for him.  He doesn’t usually delve too deep into debating or sharing his opinions when he is around other people, but I assure you- he DOES have an opinion and he DOES research/read up on a lot of things that interest him. 

 

5) One of my most fond memories is of our wedding day and how giddy and incredibly happy Ben was.  My dad told me that Ben was like a kid in a candy store.  When dad walked me down the aisle and Ben and I saw each other for the first time that day, he had the HUGEST smile on his face.  Remembering that lights me up like nothing else- I love that I have a husband who was simply that happy about marrying me and taking me home to be his wife forever.  

 

4) Benjamin spoils me.  Really spoils me.  Did you know that I have NEVER pumped gas?  Never in my life have I pumped gas.  Since I started driving, Ben has made sure my car always has had plenty of gas so that I’ve never had to stop.  Also, on the days he is off work he drives me everywhere I need to go.  He knows I hate driving, so it’s just something he does for me.  He even drives me to interviews and waits around until I am done.  When I was in school he would spend hours waiting around for me while I was in class just so that we could spend my breaks together.  On the days he was off work he went to nearly every dull and boring chapel service with me just to keep my company, even if I just sat there and did homework the whole time.  When I had to do homework at the computer lab, he would drive me and sit in the lab with me for hours upon hours at a time just so that I wasn’t alone.  It’s REALLY easy to take these things for granted when you get so used to them.  I hope I am forever thankful instead of expectant.

 

3) I just love everything that makes Ben Ben.  Sooo many things will FOREVER remind me of him: popcorn, Clint Eastwood, horror movies (specifically any Rob Zombie movie), his only pair of girl pants he wears every day, the Browns, Zao (and a lot of other metal music), English Bulldogs, skateboarding, stale peeps, his ratty t-shirt “visor”, and the list could go on and on.  A sappy but true story- even though my life IS Ben and I see him every single day, I still go through times when, if I see one of these things, I really start to miss him (if he is at work or out with his brothers or friends).  

 

2) If Ben hadn’t consistently and fully supported me since we got married, I would have no chance of fulfilling my dreams or reaching my career goals.  For three entire years he has taken on the complete financial responsibility of supporting both himself and I.  I’ve never paid rent, electric, insurance, car payments, cell phone bills, or any other bill.  I’ve never had to even deal with it.  Since we got married I’ve either been pregnant or in school.  I DO plan on launching my full-time career by Fall of ’09 if all goes as planned, and I’m sure Ben is super excited about that, but he has NEVER rushed me or discouraged me.  Ever.  He has NEVER complained or made me feel like I am not a contributing equal in our marriage.  He has ALWAYS been willing to sacrifice for me.

 

1) Ben is a family man, and I love love love that.  He loves his family- he really looks up to his dad, and he is super proud of his brother, Daniel, for going to school for the Marines.  He absolutely loves when his other brother, Josh, wants to spend time with him, and it’s obvious he has a soft spot in his heart for his mom.  I am also tremendously thankful that he loves my family, too.  He is great friends with my brothers, he really respects and enjoys my dad, and he appreciates my mom.  He is also so excited to be a daddy.  He asks me often if I can please take Adry out of my belly so that he can play with him, and he tells me all the time that he can’t wait until the baby is here.  Ben puts family first in his life.  I love that about him- I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I Love You, Benny!