Oh yeah- Lent is over!

I almost forgot to post my last Lent entries!
Also, I'm not sure when the Easter entry will make its LJ appearance. We don't have our own internet at the moment; I am currently bunnyhopping my neighbors' Linksys, and the signal keeps going in and out, which is suck and makes is super hard to upload photobucket pics for the html codes.

Anyway, here are a few things:

Lent Day 36 (Tuesday, April 7)
My dad told me a story the other day. I liked it so much that I googled it, and decided to document it for myself, and share it with you:

---As part of his search, (John Kavanaugh) volunteered to work for three months at "The House of the Dying" in Calcutta, India, a place founded by Mother Teresa. The very first morning he was there, Kavanaugh met Mother Teresa. She asked him, “What can I do for you?” He paused to think and then asked that she pray for him. “What do you want me to pray for?” she wondered. “Pray," he said, "that I have clarity.” Her abrupt response took him aback. “No," she told him, "I will not do that.” When he asked why not, she told him, “Clarity is the last thing you are clinging to and must let go of.” When Mr. Kavanaugh observed that she seemed to have the kind of clarity he wanted, she laughed out loud and told him, “I have never had clarity; what I have always had is trust. So I will pray that you trust God.”---

Why is it so easy to forget that we lean not on our own understanding? We burden ourselves with trying to figure it all out and know exactly what we are “meant” to do…

“Many a Christian worker has left Jesus Christ alone and gone into work from a sense of duty […] The reason for this is the absence of the resurrection life of Jesus. The soul has got out of intimate contact with God by leaning to its own religious understanding.”

Lent Day 39 (Friday, April 10)
UGH, I am having the most terrible time choosing a BOY name! I tossed around the idea of Kyran, but Kyran sounds so….. I don’t know, untraditional. Perhaps because I completely made it up. I am a huge fan of traditional boy names (how my son came to be Adryel, I still have no clue. Ben prophesied it, so I blame him. However, Adry’s first name IS Benjamin), but ALL of the traditional boy names I love have been taken. Jacob- brother. Matthew- brother. Timothy- dad and brother. Caleb- cousin. Michael- mom’s dad and brother. Christopher- every other kid on the planet. SO, I decided to look up traditional biblical boy names and came across a few I thought were different, and maybe grow-on-me worthy:

Javan
Tobias
Elijah/Eli
…….and I’ll keep Kyran on the list.
I also like Cillian (but it reminds me of the beer- boo!), Jayden (but it is sooo trendy), Silas, Micah.

Dang you, boys names! Why do you have to be so hard?! I need to just have 4 more girls. I love all my girl names.

GIVE ME some of your favorite boy names!!




My mom got Adry this OSU hat, and I think he looks cute in it. Now if we can just get him to keep it on.

A Day at the Park

Day 29 (Tuesday, March 31)
A Day at the Park!

Last Sunday we took Adryel out for his very first ride in his big car. He loved it.


First we went to an elementary school playground…




Video of Ben pushing Adry in his car:



his very first slid ride.





He had a great time with that tunnel. He must have crawled back and forth, back and forth at least 10 times. Here’s some baby babble for you:


Next we took Adry to Homestead Park for the first time (I’m loving all the new experiences with the nice weather!) AND he got to swing for the first time!

Yup, he was a fan.

Adry's First Birthday

Day 29 (Tuesday, March 31)
And finally, I bring to you ADRYEL’S FIRST EVER BIRTHDAY!!

At midnight of the 19th, Ben and I woke him up to sing ‘Happy Birthday’. He wasn’t too happy, so I decided to make a tradition out of it ☺. I was born at 4 something in the morning, and I remember my mom waking me up as a kid to tell me Happy Birthday at 4am, and it was so exciting!

On the 21st we had his Sesame Street party at my parents’ house at which he got a million toys! And also some pretty cute clothes. My entire apartment is officially a baby play-place. I forget what it was like to have all this space to myself without tripping over dump trucks and bouncy balls.


First, I must extend some e-thanks to Pam and Les who spent HOURS helping my mom and I prepare for the party. They cooked nearly 100 mini hamburgers and also prepared a bunch of other stuff. Best ladies ever.

Pammy and Adry, who would not cooperate for any pictures.


Les and Adry

And also, thanks to Sandie for driving from West Virginia JUST for Adry’s party. Seriously- wow. Add her to the best ladies ever.


Hutch (Supa Dupa Hutch!) was amazing as usual, consistently a huge support! <3 <3 We love Hutch!



Here’s Ash and Duke attempting to get a good picture with Adry ☺. They always make me laugh!


Aaw, I thought this was cute! Alexz n’ Adry


Here’s some of the yummies we had! I thought the mini burger bar was such a great idea. I think my mom got the idea from Ginny Dillon (Ash’s mom).


Hutch and Alexz loadin’ up!


Alexz and Matt got Adryel this truck. He loves it. I put him in the back and push him around and he won’t stop giggling!


Stephan and Jamie got Adryel this guitar. I was so excited! I wanted a real guitar with strings rather than one of those plastic toys with buttons, because Adryel loves to strum.


There’s Ginny!


from grandma and grandpa Sanders. The big car was from the Jordans (Les, Mer, Tay)


Ben’s mom made the cake. She did such an awesome job! I’m sure it took freaking hours. It was delicious, too. None of those cupcakes were eaten at the partry, but I’m pretty sure that between Matt and I we devoured them within 2 days. Yay for losing weight!


This was Adry’s personal cake.


Ok, my box made it in this picture (bottom right)! I decided to start this tradition: I put topics and starters at the top of the box, like ‘I like you because…’, ‘my favorite memory of you is…’ etc, and party guests wrote a note to Adryel for him to read when he is older, and then slipped it in a slit at the top of the box. I’ve decided to do this every year: seal the boxes, collect them in a big tub, and give them all to Adry when he graduates from High School. Of course during his teen birthdays when “the box” is SO not cool, I’ll only have close friends and family do it privately.


mmm, cake!


The whole party!




I’d just like to point out that that is my little bro J in the background. Look how much freaking weight he’s lost! He looks amazing, but he won’t let me take a decent pic of him.

I had a really great time with the whole party. First birthdays are so exciting!

He must be a Sanders kid!

Adry likes going barefoot.
He likes going pantless, too.
As a matter of fact he is completely naked in his swing right now and he's never been more content.

I know what's in my future, now...
A little adolescent Adry running around the neighborhood (and everywhere else he can get away with) barefoot and in shorts in the dead of winter, refusing to wear a coat.
hmmm...
...Jacob is 15 years old and he still goes out in the snow barefoot and wears short sleeves and no coat in the middle of a blizzard. After raising a barefooted daughter my mother has accepted it now, I think. Or maybe she just gave up. She never tells him to wear a coat or shoes anymore... (I don't think she has bothered buying coats for him, either haha.)

Adry also LOVES his swing (as a typical Sanders kid would) and rock/punk music. Forget the happy little baby songs. He gets down to My Chemical Romance, The Cat Empire, The Fratellis, Ghoti Hook, Billy Talent.... Nothing settles him down faster than a little rock n roll (not even kidding. He will stop crying the second I turn it on)

...I should maybe go get dressed now.

baby bath time

He LOVES bath time :-)

Infant Acne.
Aw. Poor Fella.
He seems to have come down with a case of BabyZitMania.
Anyone know anything about it?
Such as-- is there anything I can do to help it? How long does it usually last? Might it cause scarring?

Adry and Daddy

**Notice the thick upper lips, the thin little turtle lips, and the clef chins. I think they are gunna end up looking just alike!

WELCOME TO the not-so-pretty side of MOMMYHOOD

-A city of whiteheads on my chin. Yuck!
-Notice the wide and sleep-deprived eyes.
-My favorite is the hair, of course. It's a nice touch.


OH MY GOSH, but he is SO worth it:




...as long as he's on my lap I'm a happy girl.

Xbox Adry

...takin' after daddy





more pics at myspace.com/strawberryteardrop

AdryLove

I'm sorry, LiveJournal. I just haven't had time for you. Something much more cute has captured my full attention and devotion. (Pictures are posted on MySpace- myspace.com/strawberryteardrop)

LONG STORY SHORT:
-induced on Wednesday March 19 at 9:30 pm
-It didn't work, so we tried another method and I got contractions IMMEDIATELY, and bad. OUCH OUCH
-Got drugged up and started acting loopy. It's weird to think one thing and say another, or feel one emotion and act another.
-Epidural. I was so drugged I didn't care what they did to me. What? risk of cardiac arrest and paralysis? I don't care, doc. Just get it over with!
-Epidural worked in some places and not in others. I still felt contractions the rest of my labor.
-Puked 3x, couldn't even keep down ice chips, was dried out and parched. Totally not fun.
-When it was time to push, my Gyno had to turn the baby around and my epidural miraculously kicked in, so I had to push completely numb. We thought it was going to last hours, but it took no time at all. The doc practically had to hold the baby in while she threw on her gloves and "prepped" me. I thought he was going to fall right out.
-She delivered him March 20th at 2:18pm, held him up to me and said something about how cute he was, then put him on my stomach and I was speechless. I couldn't believe how perfect and beautiful he was.
-He was 7 pounds 13 ounces and 21 1/2 inches long. He has enormous feet and he won't fit in to any of his infant socks, haha :-D
-Adry had a million hospital visitors- He is one loved little kid. Wow- I am so thankful. THANK YOU EVERYONE WHO CAME TO VISIT ADRY!!!!! I think I counted 33 hospital/home visitors in the first 3 days, and most of them came multiple times and stayed a long time and have been WONDERFUL at helping out and spoiling Adry!!!!!!!!!!
-My family is AWESOME and they are all madly in love with Adry. I don't know what I would do without my mother (she just went home yesterday and I miss her. I cried when she left. I'm sure Adry misses her), my dad is the sweetest grandpa in the world (I love him so much it breaks my heart and I'm sure he feels the same for me... I'm certain I saw complete adoration in his eyes when he looked at Adry for the first time), and I'm positive my brothers fell more head over heels for Adry than they expected. (And, who could resist?) Adryel is going to have the coolest uncles in the world by far. Benjamin, of course, is all smiles about being a daddy (despite the fact he's already been peed on twice) and he keeps going on about how cute Adry is. He says, "I'm not just saying that 'cause he's my kid. I'm serious- he is the cutest baby!" I love seeing him hold his son. He's a good daddy.
-I have the BEST best friend. wow. wow wow wow. She was by my side through everything- every contraction, every tummy upset episode (as she was the self designated trashcan holder), the delivery, the recovery. She (and my momma and Ben) held my hand and got me through the toughest AND BEST parts.
-And also, a SPECIAL thank you to Les and Pam who were at the hospital the entire night, from beginning to end, to support me. It's good to have an extra 2 moms around :-) I love those 2 ladies to death.

Adryel is a week old tomorrow. Time is already flying by and I don't plan on wasting a second of it.
LoveJess

ADRY BABY

Many more pictures coming soon :)

BABY TIME

I'll be induced tonight at 8pm.
Check Matt's blog for updates:
http://ACGLoserPunk.BlogSpot.com/

I'm going to have to show you this nine month pregnant belly soon! It's gettin' out of control!
Like, if Adry grows just a LITTLE more (just a wafer thin) I am going to explode.
I am stretched to the max.
And, you know, in the midst of feeling sorry for myself I only recently considered Adry's plight. That poor fellow is probably terribly cramped and uncomfortable... especially now since there is no more room for him to hide when mommy and Aunt Jamie decide to poke around at him.

Adry's Nursery

...I just thought I would share Adry's room with you.
I didn't paint or wallpaper or do anything extraordinary. His room is basically a collection of gifts all put together, but still... I love just going in there to sit because it's HIS room- my little baby that's still inside of me kicking my ribs at this very moment. Soon I'll be in that room with him laying him down to sleep, nursing him, changing his diapers, dressing him, walking him in there after a bath all wrapped up in a ducky-hooded towel... This is REALLY real! He's coming, and he's coming SOON! I'm gunna be a MOM! There's no turning back- my life is changed forever. I wouldn't have it any other way.




...so maybe the ducky is out of place, but I don't care. It was his first stuffed animal given by grandma! :)






...changing table from Gma&Gpa Sanders (as in my parents), curtains made by Gma Ellwood (AKA mother-in-law). On the wall to the left of the changing table is my incomplete picture collage. I plan on filling the whole thing with pictures after he is born, and so far I just have the background, a few Winnie the Pooh pictures, and like 4 photos. It won't look so bright-colored when I am finished.






This rocking chair was a gift from Gma Ellwood (mother-in-law). She made the cushion, too.






The crib, mobile, and basket o' toys (including the football my cousin-in-law Blake gave to Adry, hehe)






...the bassinet Jamie got me. It's in my bedroom beside my bed, and you can excuse the hamper of clothes behind it that desperately needs folded :-D

And I leave you with this:

This is what I look like when I am 8 months pregnant after staying up ALL night, then sleeping from about noon to after 4 pm, then posting on LJ like a zombie. I'm sure you are so glad I have a MacBook, now, so I can use PhotoBooth and share these pleasantly beautiful moments with you!

SincerelyJess

WANTED: Stinky College Kids and Large Dog

Adry presses his foot really hard against my tummy and leaves it there for several seconds.
My stomach looks totally deformed when he does it...
and it feels kinda weird, too.
I also had a dream last night that he was kicking at the bottom of my ribcage and it hurt.
I wonder if he was doing that in real life and I just didn't wake up?
O, that Adry!

I got nervous for the first time the other day about being a mom.
I wasn't necessarily nervous about raising a child
as much as being responsible for a completely helpless and fragile life.

In other news:
I've fallen back into my horrible habit of falling asleep at 1am and then waking up about 4 hours later to get ready for bed.
(Hence the 5:25am LJ post.)
I hate when that happens,
it's just that when I get sleepy I get REALLY sleepy and pass out.

AND
Detectives were watching my apartment complex all day today
(err, yesterday that is).
I know this because when I walked outside at 1:20p there were three similar SUVs parked in the middle of the parking lot facing my side of the court.  In each SUV there was one man in the diver's seat with the window rolled down.
At 2:00p they were still there.
I thought to myself,  'hm, that's suspicious'
so I called Ben and he said there was a guy in an SUV when he left for work at 10:30a.
I decided to call the apartment complex office.
They put me on hold twice.
Finally, a man picked up and told me that the gentleman in the SUV was a police officer
and that he was wrapping up an investigation from an arrest he made earlier.
...Not too long ago (a month or two maybe) Ben and I had these neighbors downstairs.
We thought they were just some dumb college kids that always blared music and smoked pot.
We smelled it.  A lot.
There were also people going in and out of the apartment all day,
so we just supposed they were doing a little more than smoking.
In a matter of weeks they got busted (we thought for obvious reasons)--
Ben came home to cop cars all over the place and police officers dragging their big dog into custody (? lol).
I wonder if THAT'S the arrest that is still being investigated?
If so, those guys must have been into some serious stuff seeing as how it is still being investigated months later!
GEESH!
And in the end it makes me wonder:
Why was their dog arrested?
lol

So Long, and Thanks for all the Fish

Adry and I can interact now.  We do, but in simple ways.  He feels me, and I feel him.

He can feel it when I put pressure on my tummy.  When I sit with my arms crossed on my belly, he rubs his feet across my arm several times until I take it away.  When I put fetal moniters on my belly he kicks right at them.  He also kicks my hand when I push down on my belly.  Sometimes he'll push his foot against my stomache so hard I can actually feel the shape and size of it!  If I rub his little foot with my finger he'll leave it there until I stop!

OH MY GOSH can I really wait 10 whole weeks to meet him?  I WANT HIM NOW!  Plus, he is already so heavy.  I feel like someone put a couple of bricks in me and I am lugging them around.

Hadrian died today.  What a shame.  No more stinky fish.  He'd been lazying around at the bottom of his bowl for days- I knew the end was near.  Benny was actually upset, that sap (hehe).  It's probably just because the guilt from his brutal fish murdering past is eating at him.  He did, afterall, flush Vladimir down the toilet alive a couple of years ago when we were going on vacation!  At least Francois and Hadrian we able to die peacefully and naturally.

I've completely run out of wearable shoes.  There are TWO pairs of footwear I can still fit into: my polkadot boots and some house slippers.  Obviously, neither are appropriate to wear to work, so today I squished my feet into an old pair of black dress shoes and now my feet are bruised!  I haven't decided if it's because my feet are swollen or if they've just grown due to the ligaments stretching.  (Pregnancy hormones soften your ligaments and makes them stretchy to prepare your body for the birthing process.)  I really hope it's the latter.

Anyway, I'm gettin' offa here.  My back hurts!
ForeverLove

Adry Ellwood

I had my 3D Ultrasound on Saturday!  It was AMAZING!  I've never been anywhere else, but I do recommend Envision Imaging because we had a really good experience there.  In the Ultrasound room they played sappy music, perfect for making women cry (haha ;-)) and they projected the Ultrasound on a GIANT screen that covered a whole wall.  First, the technician took some 2D pics, and told me FOR SURE that I was indeed having a BOY!!  She said, "There is no doubt.  You can go home and paint your walls blue!" :-).  As soon as she switched from the 2D to the 3D and I saw my baby's face I got all choked up and teary.  I was just watching him move his little fingers and blink his eyes and all I could think was, "That's MY baby boy!"  And soon after that I thought, "My gosh, he has some chubby cheeks!"  (Side Note: I went home that evening and found some newborn pictures of me, and I probably had the biggest cheeks and the roundest face of any newborn baby EVER.)  He was very entertained by his face!  No part went untouched.  He examined his eyes, his nose, his forehead, and sucked on his fingers for a while.  I got to see him scrunch his face, kick, open his mouth, and turn around.  I loved every minute of it, as did my mother and Les who went with me.

Well, after paying a pretty penny they sent me home with a 19 minute DVD of the session, a CD with 25 "color" pictures, and about 6 or 7 black and white photos.  Mom and I went immediately to Target to make a thousand prints.
**By the way- I posted all of the "color" photos on my MySpace (myspace.com/strawberryteardrop) in the album "Adry in 3D".**





Benjamin Adryel Ellwood
(Adry)
Due March 27, 2008
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yesterday I started AND tried to finish all of my Christmas shopping but I was not very successful at all.  I think I only got my mom completely finished!  Jamie and I hit up Target, Best Buy, Starbucks, Tuttle mall, and we attempted some other places that were already closed :-(.  I wanted to register for gifts AND dye my hair, but by the time that was over I was really worn out.  I came home, fell asleep, and then later that night we went to go see I am Legend, which for the most part I really enjoyed.  I was entertained the whole way through, but I wasn't altogether impressed with the ending.  I still really want to see Atonement and Juno.  (Yeah, I am a nerd.  I LOVE movies.  I love everything about movies.  I could spend every night at a movie theater.  Maybe I get it from my dad?- he DID graduate from college with some sort of film production degree and he really enjoys it so I do hear a lot about it.  For instance, just the other night he told me all about why Orson Wells's Citizen Kane was such a breakthrough and influential movie, and it actually really interested me.) 

I start my tutoring job today!  I'm kind of upset that I didn't get my hair dyed so that it looked decent for today, but OH WELL, what can ya do?
I do need to go eat something and shower myself, so...
goodbye!

Future Jazz Lover?

Today I was listening to music on my laptop with the speakers resting right against my belly, which I do quite often because it is comfortable.  I have never thought about playing music for the baby, or the possibility that he is hearing what I am playing.  Well, today I was listening to Vince Guaraldi and I got a HUGE response from Mr. Baby in my belly.  He started sumersaulting and kicking all over the place, ESPECIALLY during the song "Christmas is Coming" from the Charlie Brown Christmas movie.

I decided to expirament a little, and played some other music.  No response.  Then I played Guaraldi again-- LOTS of kicks.  I turned off the music for a while.  No response.  I played some softer Guraldi songs and the baby started moving around a little.  Then I played "Christmas is Coming" and he went crazy with the kicking, haha :-).

Maybe he will end up being a jazz lover?  Hmmm?  I guess we'll find out one day! 

What the frick is wrong with me?

Today should have been a fantastic day, but I was miserible.

Possible Causes: Depression*Hormones*Lack of Sleep*Anxiety

I woke up at 7 this morning to get ready for my ultrasound.  I was so excited I could barely sleep last night!  In the waiting room at the doc's office I suddenly felt this complete, depressing lack of interest., and then I started getting nervous and had the urge to run out of the office, and deny that I had an appointment, or that there was a baby in my belly, or that it was the ultrasound day that I have been OH SO EXCITED for for the past TWO freaking MONTHS!  I have NO clue why these feelings SUDDENLY crept over me.

They finally took me back to the ultrasound room, gelled my belly up, layed me back, turned on the screen etc., and I actually had to MAKE myself LOOK at the screen.  I wanted to look away and pretend like nothing was happening-- get it done and over with, then go home.

The baby was healthy.  Dr. King checked the brain, arms, legs, heart, spinal cord, placenta, cervix, etc.  Everything looked good.  We got a print out of the baby's face, profile, hand, foot, crotchal region, and spinal cord.  She had some trouble telling what the gender was, due to his crossed legs, but she was really leaning towards it being a BOY.  She saw something that may have looked like a girl once, but then saw other things that made her lean more towards it being a boy.  I asked her how sure she was, but she wouldn't tell me.  (I wonder if people have yelled at her before for being wrong?)  She told me, "Let's just say, don't paint your walls pink or blue.  Stick to beige.  Beige is a safe color.  And keep the tags on anything you buy."  Despite what she said, I'm fairly certain she was atleast a little confident that it was a boy, because she gave me FOUR ultrasound pictures of what looks like a little penis (or a "turtle" as she called it) and she didn't print out any of the pics that made it look like a girl.  I think she was just trying to be safe, but I am really fairly confident that it is a boy.  ...but there is ALWAYS that chance I am wrong, so I am definitely going to stick to neutral things!

***NOTE TO PEOPLE WHO HAVE HAD BABY BOYS: I am going to post ultrasound pics of baby crotch.  Please take a look at them and let me know if they look anything like the baby boy pictures you got, ok?***

ANYWAYS-- After the ultrasound I broke down.  I threw a fit and told my momma to take me home, and I sat in her car and balled my eyes out.  I started thinking all of these AWFUL, UNTRUE, IRRATIONAL thoughts like: "why did I ever want a baby?  I just want to go home and live my own life.  I don't like this anymore, I just want it all to be over."  Those thoughts lasted a whole 2 seconds before I IMMEDIATELY felt extremely guilty and realized that I DID want the baby and I didn't mean any of it.  I felt SO horrible for thinking those things, even if just for a split second.  I actually appologized to the baby, as if he knew what was going on, lol.  My God, though, I felt SO guilty!  I LOVE this baby, and I've been TERRIFIED of ANYTHING that could possibly go wrong.  I just was so SAD, and had no idea WHY. 

...then Ben called in the middle of my pity fest and got really upset.  He said, "Jessica!  You should NOT be upset right now!  We just saw amazing US footage of OUR baby moving and kicking inside of you!  He's healthy, and you should be thankful and excited!"  You'll never guess the pathetic response I came up with!  I started crying even harder and said, "You're right.  I'm selfish and pathetic.  I'm not cut out to be a mother.  I'm a horrible mother."  Ben told me I just needed more sleep, which is more than likely true.  Then he asked me to please send him pictures of the ultra sound so he could show them off to the people at his work :-).  I was glad that he was so happy and excited, and I felt really bad that I wasn't happy and excited with him.  I should have been and I wasn't :-(.  BUT WHY???  WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME??? 

I know I'll cheer up soon.  This is precious, and I love it.  I want it.  Everything is going well.  It couldn't go better!  When I do cheer up, I'll probably be so excited and happy and in love that I won't be able to contain it :-).


***ULTRASOUND PICTURES***

This is baby crotch.  The arrow is pointing to what Dr. King thought was a penis.  The bright white stripe below the arrow is the thigh bone.

Girls who have recently had baby boys and remember their ultrasounds, does this look like a baby boy to you?

Another baby crotch shot...

Baby boy?


Now, this is the picture that threw my doc. off.  The arrow is pointing at what might be a baby penis, BUT to the left of it are the three white stripes of the umbilical cord.  So, is the arrow pointing to a penis or the umbilical cord between baby's legs?  uh oh!

This is baby's bent elbow and hand.

This is the side of baby's face (left) and spine

Baby's face

Another of Baby's face

Foot


Wellp, that's all I got!
Love,
Jess