OK, so I totally feel bad now for writing a whole rant against my husband.
Crystal, I agree- we are both stressed. We are both a little anxious for what's JUST around the corner. The unknown is always a little scary and I suppose that it's not just ME that needs more patience and understanding. Ben needs it, too. When I think about things from his perspective I realize he probably feels a huge weight of responsibility that is maybe starting to freak him out- now he has a wife AND a baby to support AND take care of, and of course he has dreams of his own to go to school and start a career- when will there ever be time for that, now? I suppose it's totally understandable that the stress is making him (AND I) a little irritable. Or maybe a lot irritable :)
The truth is I have a great husband and I have no doubt in my mind he will come through for me. He always has and I have absolutely no reason to doubt him. He can turn from Mr. MegaGrumpykins to Super Comforter-Husband in a matter of seconds when he sees I really need him. ...like the day he complained on and on about having to take me to an early doc. appointment, but then when I had to get my blood drawn and I was panicking he kept things light-hearted and held my hand and was so sweet. ...or like just the other night when I was totally emotional, balling my eyes out, convinced that he hated me and he dropped everything he was doing, told me he loved me, and just held me tight against him and let me cry.
Of course today, during "Blizzard of 2008" we've been stuck inside for hours on end with each other which, although we are now completely bored and restless, is probably a good thing. He's been great to me today- making my meals and getting me everything I need so I don't have to move that much (hehe). And I didn't even talk to him about anything! :-D O, and I am EVEN thankful for the Xbox today, haha! It's been entertaining him for hours and is probably the one thing keeping his brain from turning to complete mush like mine is! (OK, no, I was wrong. His brain is mush. He just put his shirt over his head and made a very random whiny sound and then went right back to playing his game... :-))
Well, I love him. To death. Forever. And we are both so excited to meet our son. (ANY TIME, now, ADRY! Except maybe wait until the roads clear up...)
O, and those of you who AREN'T 9 months pregnant- go out and throw yourself in the snow for me! And go sledding! I want to SO bad!
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Hubbies, Babies, and Hope
Mawiage... and coping with a third addition
I am so sick of things right now.
Fatty McFatbaby has really taken a toll on my body.
Some days I can't tell if I am really sick or just really pregnant.
It sucks when I think about going through labor when I am already this miserable...
Oh, Lord.
My husband is being really unsympathetic and not at all understanding. I am pretty sick and tired of saying, "Benny, I really don't feel well" only to hear, "well, neither do I!" in response. OK, all I wanted was a little hug and a little encouragement but now I just feel like my misery is only another burden added to my husband's misery.
And why the hell is HE so miserable anyway?? I REALLY need him right now and I feel like he is being just as needy as I am. It makes me even more nervous for labor and delivery. I'm going to be looking to him for comfort and I have nightmares of him saying, "tough it out, cry-baby. I have a headache and this is grossing me out."
I don't know... I really don't know what Ben's problem is right now and I don't have the energy to try to figure it out. I try to talk to him but his fuse is so short he ends up fighting with me. I've gotten to the point where I just shut down and distance myself from him even though it's the last thing I want and I pray pray pray he'll come after me. How can I make him understand? How can I make him understand that I need him to be a little more kind, a little more patient, a little more helpful? How can I make him understand that I know he's stressed out but DUH- so am I- and I just need to be assured that I have his full support and that he will come through for me when I need him now AND after this baby is born. How can I make him understand that even though I love this baby and I am SO excited, I am not exactly sitting on cloud nine in baby heaven loving every minute of it. UGH I NEED HIM SO BAD, but he really needs me, too, and I have no idea how to be there for him. Apparently, right before baby comes into the world-( a baby who is instinctively selfish and demands the attention of everyone around him)- when mommy and daddy are supposed to drop their worlds to make sure he has everything he needs, Ben and I are both feeling under appreciated by each other, and we both want the other's attention. Hm.
I don't know how to fix that because I am completely drained. I feel helpless. I don't have the energy to be the one to step up and put us on the right track again. I wish that, just this once, Ben would be the one to do it.
I think I would feel the whole world lifted from my shoulders if he would at least be willing to spend some time with me and nicely talk to me about it (for longer than 3 minutes and without the interruptions of video games, movies, or freakin text messaging :-/ And BTW I am beginning to really resent XBox 360 and unlimited text messaging since these things seem to be far more interesting than I am these days).
Anyways, I love him so much. That's why I need him so much. I could have the support of the whole world and still feel alone if I don't have Ben.
Friday, January 4, 2008
Christmas/New Year's Eve Picture Post
This picture is of me and some of my mom's friends at her Christmas cookie exchange. My mom's friends in this pic are: Irene, Les, Sandie, Pam
Christmas
Christmas was great. I had a wonderful day with my family, and with Ben's family.
This was my parents' family room on Christmas morning.
Wahlah- Ben and I got a changing table from my parents for Christmas! Ben's parents got us the matching crib. I like the set a lot- I think it is very nice.
The traditional stairs picture- Matt, Ben, Reese Pete, Jacob, me. I look terrible... oh well. Every year on Christmas morning there must be a picture taken on the stairs as we wait to be welcomed into the family room with all of the presents.
Jacob got a sweet new guitar for Christmas. I'm a huge fan- I think it's a pretty one. I got him a fantastic strap to go with it, I might add.
Well, those are all of the Christmas pictures I have. Later that afternoon Jamie and Stephan came over and we had a yummy lunch and ended the evening playing Pictionary, which was super fun. OH MAN- Jamie has some funny pics of that on her camera that I wish I could share, but alas I don't have them :-(.
New Year's Eve:
Happy 25 Anniversary Mom and Dad!
Happy 3 Anniversary Jess and Ben!
Let me start off by explaining that on New Year's Eve I had the flu. It was terrible and I felt like Death. No- I literally felt like whatever I touched would die and decay before my eyes. I had been puking all day and it took ALL of my willpower to get out of bed. Sooo, PLEASE excuse the fact that I look absolutely terrible in these pictures!
Anyway, we started the night off by going to see the movie The Great Debaters, which I thought was really good, actually. It surprised me. I cried. Pregnancy hormones are solely to blame for that. Afterwards we went to the Japanese Steak House and we brought in the New Year there.
Excuse me, sir, our food is on fire.
Mom and Les= cute best friends
Dad and Ben got to play the drums...
...Jacob played the tamborein and Tay was a "monkey boy" (as the little Japanese man called him) along with Matt...
...and this little guy sang. That was an interesting experience, lol.
Mrs. Sicko and Ben on their anniversary!
Ben, Jessi, Matt
Yep. They been married fer twennyfav years.
Do you see the little Japanese man in the middle of this picture? At midnight he started dancing all around the restaurant like a monkey. I was lucky enough to be the recipient of a very large monkey kiss on the cheek.
Well, those are all of the pictures I have for now!
Enjoy!
:-)
LoveJess
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Ben Ten
"Ben Ten" is a nickname someone gave to Ben, but I'm not sure who. Ben Top Ten 10) I love his eyes. He has these wonderful almond eyes that are the prettiest shade of green. Maybe Adry will be so lucky J. 8) Benjamin is totally into music, and I 100% appreciate that. His style of music is TOTALLY not mine, but I don’t care- I just love that he is musical. He plays the guitar, writes lyrics, and enjoys singing (AKA screaming) to metal music. Over the years he has written songs/poems about me, and what girl doesn’t like that? I grew up in a family who was completely all about music- my dad plays just about every instrument he can get his hands on (he owns and plays piano, guitar, harmonica, drums, several other percussion instruments including congas and timbales, and he’s not too shabby at bass), my brother Matt plays drums and guitar, and my other brother plays bass and guitar. In other words, I’ve grown to love music and people who play music, and Ben fits right in with my family. 7) Benjamin is fiercely loyal. I think this is a trait that he gets from his family. I’ve noticed that when they decide to support something, they stick by it. I mean, they REALLY stick by it. For example, when Ben started working for Verizon Wireless, that company all of the sudden walked on water- according to him they are by far the biggest and best cell phone company and no others can even compare. He is loyal to his car mechanic, certain politicians, Fifth Third bank, and even Target who laid him off after he worked for them for 6 years. Even though I don’t understand it sometimes, I LOVE it. Why? Because he is also fiercely loyal to ME and the things that are important to me including my family, my schooling, my dreams, etc. I’ve noticed over the years that if someone hurts Ben he can get very angry, but he also forgives and forgets quite easily. The rules all change, however, if someone hurts me or one of my family members. If you hurt me or someone I love, you are pretty much on Ben’s bad side for a lifetime. 6) I love that Benny likes to learn. He likes to read and think about new things. He likes to be knowledgeable. This is almost a secret pleasure for him. He doesn’t usually delve too deep into debating or sharing his opinions when he is around other people, but I assure you- he DOES have an opinion and he DOES research/read up on a lot of things that interest him. 5) One of my most fond memories is of our wedding day and how giddy and incredibly happy Ben was. My dad told me that Ben was like a kid in a candy store. When dad walked me down the aisle and Ben and I saw each other for the first time that day, he had the HUGEST smile on his face. Remembering that lights me up like nothing else- I love that I have a husband who was simply that happy about marrying me and taking me home to be his wife forever. 4) Benjamin spoils me. Really spoils me. Did you know that I have NEVER pumped gas? Never in my life have I pumped gas. Since I started driving, Ben has made sure my car always has had plenty of gas so that I’ve never had to stop. Also, on the days he is off work he drives me everywhere I need to go. He knows I hate driving, so it’s just something he does for me. He even drives me to interviews and waits around until I am done. When I was in school he would spend hours waiting around for me while I was in class just so that we could spend my breaks together. On the days he was off work he went to nearly every dull and boring chapel service with me just to keep my company, even if I just sat there and did homework the whole time. When I had to do homework at the computer lab, he would drive me and sit in the lab with me for hours upon hours at a time just so that I wasn’t alone. It’s REALLY easy to take these things for granted when you get so used to them. I hope I am forever thankful instead of expectant. 3) I just love everything that makes Ben Ben. Sooo many things will FOREVER remind me of him: popcorn, Clint Eastwood, horror movies (specifically any Rob Zombie movie), his only pair of girl pants he wears every day, the Browns, Zao (and a lot of other metal music), English Bulldogs, skateboarding, stale peeps, his ratty t-shirt “visor”, and the list could go on and on. A sappy but true story- even though my life IS Ben and I see him every single day, I still go through times when, if I see one of these things, I really start to miss him (if he is at work or out with his brothers or friends). 2) If Ben hadn’t consistently and fully supported me since we got married, I would have no chance of fulfilling my dreams or reaching my career goals. For three entire years he has taken on the complete financial responsibility of supporting both himself and I. I’ve never paid rent, electric, insurance, car payments, cell phone bills, or any other bill. I’ve never had to even deal with it. Since we got married I’ve either been pregnant or in school. I DO plan on launching my full-time career by Fall of ’09 if all goes as planned, and I’m sure Ben is super excited about that, but he has NEVER rushed me or discouraged me. Ever. He has NEVER complained or made me feel like I am not a contributing equal in our marriage. He has ALWAYS been willing to sacrifice for me. 1) Ben is a family man, and I love love love that. He loves his family- he really looks up to his dad, and he is super proud of his brother, Daniel, for going to school for the Marines. He absolutely loves when his other brother, Josh, wants to spend time with him, and it’s obvious he has a soft spot in his heart for his mom. I am also tremendously thankful that he loves my family, too. He is great friends with my brothers, he really respects and enjoys my dad, and he appreciates my mom. He is also so excited to be a daddy. He asks me often if I can please take Adry out of my belly so that he can play with him, and he tells me all the time that he can’t wait until the baby is here. Ben puts family first in his life. I love that about him- I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Anyway, Ben and I are officially in our FOURTH year of marriage. It’s amazing. I love him more dearly every day. In light of our recently celebrated third anniversary I decided to make a list of the top 10 things I love about Benny.
I Love You, Benny!
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