9 frickin months pregnant.

I wanted to show you my 9 mo. pic real quick. I have other updates, but I don't feel like sharing those at the moment. I will soon, hopefully...
Anyways- for now I leave you with only a picture. (More pics can be found on my MySpace, of course: www.myspace.com/strawberryteardrop )

I'm going to have to show you this nine month pregnant belly soon! It's gettin' out of control!
Like, if Adry grows just a LITTLE more (just a wafer thin) I am going to explode.
I am stretched to the max.
And, you know, in the midst of feeling sorry for myself I only recently considered Adry's plight. That poor fellow is probably terribly cramped and uncomfortable... especially now since there is no more room for him to hide when mommy and Aunt Jamie decide to poke around at him.

Oh Swell

Introducing...

The Sausage Fingers
... brought to you by pregnancy swelling

Sir Vicks, the Stubborn

I think my doc is giving me an ultrasound on Monday to see how big the baby is...
She said I might just have a lot of fluid.
And also, since I am good and healthy these days (blood pressure improved etc.), I might not get to have the baby as early as I have been hoping.

Oh well.
Whatever's best.

She DID still say that she would really like me to go into labor on my own by this weekend...
...but that it wasn't a likelihood.
Mr. C. Ervicks is only 1 cm.
I tried drinking cod liver oil. I managed to swallow a tspn and then immediately lost the entire contents of my KFC-filled stomach. 5 minutes later I tried to keep down a biscuit and threw that up, too... So... that's not going to work! Does anyone know if pill form is just as effective (theoretically)?

Hubbies, Babies, and Hope

OK, so I totally feel bad now for writing a whole rant against my husband.
Crystal, I agree- we are both stressed. We are both a little anxious for what's JUST around the corner. The unknown is always a little scary and I suppose that it's not just ME that needs more patience and understanding. Ben needs it, too. When I think about things from his perspective I realize he probably feels a huge weight of responsibility that is maybe starting to freak him out- now he has a wife AND a baby to support AND take care of, and of course he has dreams of his own to go to school and start a career- when will there ever be time for that, now? I suppose it's totally understandable that the stress is making him (AND I) a little irritable. Or maybe a lot irritable :)

The truth is I have a great husband and I have no doubt in my mind he will come through for me. He always has and I have absolutely no reason to doubt him. He can turn from Mr. MegaGrumpykins to Super Comforter-Husband in a matter of seconds when he sees I really need him. ...like the day he complained on and on about having to take me to an early doc. appointment, but then when I had to get my blood drawn and I was panicking he kept things light-hearted and held my hand and was so sweet. ...or like just the other night when I was totally emotional, balling my eyes out, convinced that he hated me and he dropped everything he was doing, told me he loved me, and just held me tight against him and let me cry.

Of course today, during "Blizzard of 2008" we've been stuck inside for hours on end with each other which, although we are now completely bored and restless, is probably a good thing. He's been great to me today- making my meals and getting me everything I need so I don't have to move that much (hehe). And I didn't even talk to him about anything! :-D O, and I am EVEN thankful for the Xbox today, haha! It's been entertaining him for hours and is probably the one thing keeping his brain from turning to complete mush like mine is! (OK, no, I was wrong. His brain is mush. He just put his shirt over his head and made a very random whiny sound and then went right back to playing his game... :-))

Well, I love him. To death. Forever. And we are both so excited to meet our son. (ANY TIME, now, ADRY! Except maybe wait until the roads clear up...)

O, and those of you who AREN'T 9 months pregnant- go out and throw yourself in the snow for me! And go sledding! I want to SO bad!

Mawiage... and coping with a third addition

I am so sick of things right now.
Fatty McFatbaby has really taken a toll on my body.
Some days I can't tell if I am really sick or just really pregnant.
It sucks when I think about going through labor when I am already this miserable...
Oh, Lord.

My husband is being really unsympathetic and not at all understanding. I am pretty sick and tired of saying, "Benny, I really don't feel well" only to hear, "well, neither do I!" in response. OK, all I wanted was a little hug and a little encouragement but now I just feel like my misery is only another burden added to my husband's misery.
And why the hell is HE so miserable anyway?? I REALLY need him right now and I feel like he is being just as needy as I am. It makes me even more nervous for labor and delivery. I'm going to be looking to him for comfort and I have nightmares of him saying, "tough it out, cry-baby. I have a headache and this is grossing me out."
I don't know... I really don't know what Ben's problem is right now and I don't have the energy to try to figure it out. I try to talk to him but his fuse is so short he ends up fighting with me. I've gotten to the point where I just shut down and distance myself from him even though it's the last thing I want and I pray pray pray he'll come after me. How can I make him understand? How can I make him understand that I need him to be a little more kind, a little more patient, a little more helpful? How can I make him understand that I know he's stressed out but DUH- so am I- and I just need to be assured that I have his full support and that he will come through for me when I need him now AND after this baby is born. How can I make him understand that even though I love this baby and I am SO excited, I am not exactly sitting on cloud nine in baby heaven loving every minute of it. UGH I NEED HIM SO BAD, but he really needs me, too, and I have no idea how to be there for him. Apparently, right before baby comes into the world-( a baby who is instinctively selfish and demands the attention of everyone around him)- when mommy and daddy are supposed to drop their worlds to make sure he has everything he needs, Ben and I are both feeling under appreciated by each other, and we both want the other's attention. Hm.
I don't know how to fix that because I am completely drained. I feel helpless. I don't have the energy to be the one to step up and put us on the right track again. I wish that, just this once, Ben would be the one to do it.
I think I would feel the whole world lifted from my shoulders if he would at least be willing to spend some time with me and nicely talk to me about it (for longer than 3 minutes and without the interruptions of video games, movies, or freakin text messaging :-/ And BTW I am beginning to really resent XBox 360 and unlimited text messaging since these things seem to be far more interesting than I am these days).

Anyways, I love him so much. That's why I need him so much. I could have the support of the whole world and still feel alone if I don't have Ben.

Quick Baby Update

So, I am still healthy! No Preeclampsia. But I am SO miserable! (No seriously.)
And the baby is SO big! Had a baby appointment today and the doc shook my belly around and said, "this baby is NOT small!" and then said that if I go into labor NEXT week it'd be ideal, otherwise it looks like she will induce me on the 20th. Basically, the kid needs to come out and he needs to come out all on his own and it needs to be SOON. I'd rather go into labor naturally- I don't really wanna be induced :-/. But anyways, I guess I won't be waiting until the 27th!

Adry's Nursery

...I just thought I would share Adry's room with you.
I didn't paint or wallpaper or do anything extraordinary. His room is basically a collection of gifts all put together, but still... I love just going in there to sit because it's HIS room- my little baby that's still inside of me kicking my ribs at this very moment. Soon I'll be in that room with him laying him down to sleep, nursing him, changing his diapers, dressing him, walking him in there after a bath all wrapped up in a ducky-hooded towel... This is REALLY real! He's coming, and he's coming SOON! I'm gunna be a MOM! There's no turning back- my life is changed forever. I wouldn't have it any other way.




...so maybe the ducky is out of place, but I don't care. It was his first stuffed animal given by grandma! :)






...changing table from Gma&Gpa Sanders (as in my parents), curtains made by Gma Ellwood (AKA mother-in-law). On the wall to the left of the changing table is my incomplete picture collage. I plan on filling the whole thing with pictures after he is born, and so far I just have the background, a few Winnie the Pooh pictures, and like 4 photos. It won't look so bright-colored when I am finished.






This rocking chair was a gift from Gma Ellwood (mother-in-law). She made the cushion, too.






The crib, mobile, and basket o' toys (including the football my cousin-in-law Blake gave to Adry, hehe)






...the bassinet Jamie got me. It's in my bedroom beside my bed, and you can excuse the hamper of clothes behind it that desperately needs folded :-D

And I leave you with this:

This is what I look like when I am 8 months pregnant after staying up ALL night, then sleeping from about noon to after 4 pm, then posting on LJ like a zombie. I'm sure you are so glad I have a MacBook, now, so I can use PhotoBooth and share these pleasantly beautiful moments with you!

SincerelyJess

Oh, and...

Check this sucker out:





There is a BABY in there! I'm not even kidding!
A BABY that doesn't care if my pancreas, kidneys, and liver aren't working properly, as long as he can sleep, eat, and kick me in the bladder! A baby who also does not care that the skin on my tummy has been stretched to the max- it is thin and shiny and itchy and has some pretty amazing stretch marks I must admit, as you can see for yourself.

Ben and I got our MacBook today. Totally cool! I love it!




I have so much to tell you, LiveJournal!

It is possible I could be coming down with Preeclampsia. My blood pressure has been high, I've been swollen, and recent lab results said one of my liver functions was elevated. On Wednesday they took another lab and told me that if the results were any worse they were going to take the baby that very night. The good news is (and yes, I had to convince myself it was indeed good news) the results were actually better, so Adry is still hangin' IN there where he belongs, even if my body doesn't quite agree. My doc says we need to atLEAST try and make it to 38 weeks- full term.




All in all I've been feeling like crap. It's true. Every movement I make is seriously painful. Like suck-in-my-breath painful. That stinkin' Sciatic nerve gets pinched all the time, but the MOST painful thing of all is the pelvic/pubic bone pains. When I lay down it takes me like a full minute to turn from my back to my side, or from side to side because it hurts so bad I have to move very slowly. Also, I HATE going from sitting or laying to standing because every step shoots pain throughout my body. And let's just forget about bending down- it's pretty much an impossibility now.

The good news is I am SO ready for this baby!!! I have everything I really need! My mother-in-law stopped by today and gave me my crib mattress, Winnie the Pooh window curtains, a rocking chair, and like 10 packs of diapers and 3 packs of wipes. Now I feel like everything is complete and what the heck else are you waiting for, Adry?? Oh, for your lungs to mature? lungs shmungs! I never did get the chance to mop and vacuum the floors, but at this point I don't think that is something I am able to do. I'm supposed to be staying off my feet as much as possible-- both the doc. and my body are making that quite clear. If my doc gave me the OK, then my pelvis would surely object. If I am extremely lucky I might be able to talk Ben into doing it for me...
....anyone wanna come over and clean my floors? $10? $20? I'm being mostly serious! I can barely move and clean floors would be very refreshing!

*BY THE WAY* My brother said he was going to be doing a frequent picture post update in his blog when I go into labor: http://acgloserpunk.blogspot.com/

Well, you should be hearing from me more now that I have my Mac. Woohoooo! :-) But I am out for now...

GoodNight

NESTING POWERS ACTIVATE! ...Bacteria Beware

Is there a such thing as a rational, nesting mother-to-be?

*Everything must be disinfected.  Even the silverware holder for some reason.  Even the stuffed animals on my bed.  Even the walls.
*My toenails must be painted, my fingernails filed.  This is perhaps the strangest nesting symptom.
*The floors must be cleaned, vacuumed, and mopped.
*It is not possible to have too much of anything.  I've stocked up on waterproof matress pads, waterproof bassinett pads, crib and bassinett sheets, changing table covers, baby med. supplies, socks, bibs, etc. etc. etc. etc.  I still plan on getting some more things.
*I am reading and learning everything I can about SIDS and everything on the market I can possibly get my hands on to reduce atLEAST my anxiety.
*And all these things must be accomplished NOW.  NOW NOW NOW.  Just in case Adry wakes up one day in one of those crazy and impulsive Sanders moods and decides that an early arrival into the world is a fine idea.  (And, might I add, if he asked me about it beforehand I would only half-heartedly tell him it's best to stay inside until he's more prepared.  I would end off the conversation with, 'but you do what you have to do.  You are my son and I'll love you no matter what.' and i'd seal it with a wink.)

Motherhood,
I am ready for you!!  Bring. it. on.  (please)
LoveJess

Motherhood and Jenny McCarthy

 I am really getting a kick out of reading Jenny McCarthy's Baby Laughs.  My mom bought it for me despite her ultra conservativeness (which I'm starting to believe is just a big put-on *winks and waves at Mom who is undoubtedly reading this).  When she reads it she can't stop laughing so she HAD to get it for me :-).

Anyways, I can already relate to a lot of the stuff she talks about and it's kinda refreshing to hear a real personal account and a humorous twist to the torture that women endure when stepping into mommyhood.  Seeing as how I am not a mother yet, some of it also surprises me, and maybe scares me a little, too.  She talks about when her son pooped ALL over the place- he was covered from head to toe and it was a nightmare to clean him off... and it happened more than once  (How does that happen??  I'm NOT excited for that!  everyone always warns me, 'Oh, I hope you're ready for spit up and poopy diapers,' but those seem like a piece of cake compared to poop EVERYWHERE!)  She also talks about leaking boobs.  Ok, I KNEW I was going to have to face that, but I just thought I could get bra pads and *WAHLAH*- problem solved... but Jenny talks about how she would literally leak puddles and oftentimes pads just weren't enough.  (Embarassing, right?)

Here's a part I can already REALLY relate to:
(Jenny is talking about the first time since she gave birth that she got up the guts to look in the mirror) "I didn't know what to cry about first.  I still had two chins.  I had purple, veiny, giant tits.  Cottage cheese holes were dripping down my thighs, to the point that I couldn't see my knees, and the absolute, hands-down worste thing was the deflated tire around my waiste, a jelly roll that jiggled and slapped each side of my body when I shook back and forth.  [...] I simply stood there and stared in awe at Mother Nature's artwork.  I was so glad my husband was not home to see the piglet monster.  I just wish once in a man's lifetime he could experience what a woman has to go through to give birth.  My husband hadn't seen me completely naked in months, and you could be damn sure he wasn't gonna start then..."

HA!  Yeah.  I've learned a lot of things about motherhood already.  It's exhasting.  It's stressful.  The worries never end.  It's messy.  I'll be pooped on, thrown up on, and peed on.  I'm going to be a sleep deprived zombie for a while.  It's NOT going to be a fun joyride.  But it is simply the most beautiful, lovely, and fulfilling experience-- an opportunity to put myself to the side and pour out all my love on another humanbeing.  You know what?  I'M EXCITED!!!  I'm excited for those times when he is calm and content and I can just lay beside him, staring at him, thinking about how beautiful he is.  I'm excited to feel his little toes and for his little hands to grasp onto me.  I'm excited for him to fall asleep in my arms.  I'm excited to pick out his clothes and dress him, and for his first smile and his first laugh and his first everything!  I'm excited to watch him grow up so I can pick out his personality traits that he gets from me and his dad.  I'm ready to me a MOM!

precious cheeseburger

 Ok. Update.
There is nothing going on.
There is nothing to write about.
My brain is on pause with the rest of my life.

A few weeks ago I finally put away all of the Christmas decorations and stuffed the boxes back in the shed...
And I just realized the multi-colored lights are still on the porch.
DANG IT!
O well- that will just have to be their home for a few months.  I'm not dragging those boxes back out.
No way.

Yesterday my blood sugar was low all day (70s, 80s)...
I started thinking, 'Hey! Maybe I've been CURED!' haha!
Yeah.  I ate some peanutbutter bread and milk this morning and it was 142.
WTH, GOSH!  Thanks for smashing my wishful hopes, stupid pancreas!
I also recently discovered I can no longer drink lemonade, so now the liquids on my menue are milk and water.  That's it.
Apparently light lemonade has aspartame in it (some sugar alchohol), which if OFF LIMITS to pregnant folks like myself.
OOPS.
The good news is, my pregnancy craving recently has been FATTY milk-
something I can actually have!
Yes, I had to graduate from skim to 2% and I am still craving whole.
I think maybe it's because I haven't been gaining enough weight lately.
I've only gained three pounds since early November, and 0 pounds this past month. 
This is supposed to be the time I am rapidly gaining weight, right?
You think that's why my body is craving fat??
I am also craving a BIG HUGE cheeseburger!  With PICKLES and MUSTARD and ONION!
OH MY!
I may need to invest in this... VERY SOON!
I have to wait until Ben gets home, though :(
But I guess I can wait until then...

"Cuz I loves you, cheeseburger with all of my heart
And there's nuthin gunna tear us two apart
...and if the world suddenly ran out of cheese,
I would get down on my hands and knees
to see if someone accidently dropped their cheese in the dirt
and I'd wash it off for you, wipe it off for you, clean that dirty cheese off just for you!
Cuz you're my cheeseburger
and I will wait for you!"

^I can think of NO other occasion when that song would be more perfect!

WANTED: Stinky College Kids and Large Dog

Adry presses his foot really hard against my tummy and leaves it there for several seconds.
My stomach looks totally deformed when he does it...
and it feels kinda weird, too.
I also had a dream last night that he was kicking at the bottom of my ribcage and it hurt.
I wonder if he was doing that in real life and I just didn't wake up?
O, that Adry!

I got nervous for the first time the other day about being a mom.
I wasn't necessarily nervous about raising a child
as much as being responsible for a completely helpless and fragile life.

In other news:
I've fallen back into my horrible habit of falling asleep at 1am and then waking up about 4 hours later to get ready for bed.
(Hence the 5:25am LJ post.)
I hate when that happens,
it's just that when I get sleepy I get REALLY sleepy and pass out.

AND
Detectives were watching my apartment complex all day today
(err, yesterday that is).
I know this because when I walked outside at 1:20p there were three similar SUVs parked in the middle of the parking lot facing my side of the court.  In each SUV there was one man in the diver's seat with the window rolled down.
At 2:00p they were still there.
I thought to myself,  'hm, that's suspicious'
so I called Ben and he said there was a guy in an SUV when he left for work at 10:30a.
I decided to call the apartment complex office.
They put me on hold twice.
Finally, a man picked up and told me that the gentleman in the SUV was a police officer
and that he was wrapping up an investigation from an arrest he made earlier.
...Not too long ago (a month or two maybe) Ben and I had these neighbors downstairs.
We thought they were just some dumb college kids that always blared music and smoked pot.
We smelled it.  A lot.
There were also people going in and out of the apartment all day,
so we just supposed they were doing a little more than smoking.
In a matter of weeks they got busted (we thought for obvious reasons)--
Ben came home to cop cars all over the place and police officers dragging their big dog into custody (? lol).
I wonder if THAT'S the arrest that is still being investigated?
If so, those guys must have been into some serious stuff seeing as how it is still being investigated months later!
GEESH!
And in the end it makes me wonder:
Why was their dog arrested?
lol

Big Boys need Big Bellies

O, how Adry has grown!

^Current. 7 Months Pregnant

Dear Adry, have you considered speeding up this growing and developing process? Please do.

They weren't lyin' when they said the second trimester is the pregnancy honeymoon!
I'm not sure I fully appreciated the second trimester until I graduated to the third a few weeks ago.

1) My mood swings are back with a vengeance!  People annoy me.  I feel like:  I just want to be left alone; It's Me and Adry vs. The World; No one understands.  Oh, and don't mind my sudden and frequent bursts of self-pity tears.

2) My upset stomache is back.  I find myself hovering over a toilet/trashcan every few days and gagging my meals down one bite at a time.  The saltine crackers have once again taken up residence on the headboard of my bed.

3) Frequent urination.  'nuf said.

4) Stretch marks.  everywhere.  I get depressed about my body sometimes.  It used to not bother me, but now it is starting to.  I don't like what I see in the mirror anymore-- any part of it. Not my face or the fat under my chin or my sausage hands or the stretch marks on my knees, thighs, hips, underbelly, and even boobs!  When Ben and I first got married I was at my ideal weight for my shape and size-- about 105 pounds, size 1 or 2 pants.  This was actually about 10 pounds heavier than I was in High School, but I enjoyed fitting into adult sized clothing, lol.  In the two and a half years that Ben and I were married BEFORE I got pregnant I gained like 35 pounds (I know- WOW!  I blame Ben- I acquired his horrible eating habbits ;-), so I was already too big.  I at least had the hope, though, that I could shed the pounds and get back to my little 100 pound self-- I started HxC dieting and excercising and was doing really well until I got pregnant.  Now, 7 months and 20 pounds later I weigh 160 and am feeling pretty down about it.  Stretch marks are an ugly, ugly reminder. 

5) ...and then there's everything else including sleepless nights of tossing and turning, horrible back pain and body aches, diabetes of course, worrying, breathing problems etc. etc.

Oh, second trimester, I miss you!

I will post 7 month pictures soon-- in a much happier post :)

So Long, and Thanks for all the Fish

Adry and I can interact now.  We do, but in simple ways.  He feels me, and I feel him.

He can feel it when I put pressure on my tummy.  When I sit with my arms crossed on my belly, he rubs his feet across my arm several times until I take it away.  When I put fetal moniters on my belly he kicks right at them.  He also kicks my hand when I push down on my belly.  Sometimes he'll push his foot against my stomache so hard I can actually feel the shape and size of it!  If I rub his little foot with my finger he'll leave it there until I stop!

OH MY GOSH can I really wait 10 whole weeks to meet him?  I WANT HIM NOW!  Plus, he is already so heavy.  I feel like someone put a couple of bricks in me and I am lugging them around.

Hadrian died today.  What a shame.  No more stinky fish.  He'd been lazying around at the bottom of his bowl for days- I knew the end was near.  Benny was actually upset, that sap (hehe).  It's probably just because the guilt from his brutal fish murdering past is eating at him.  He did, afterall, flush Vladimir down the toilet alive a couple of years ago when we were going on vacation!  At least Francois and Hadrian we able to die peacefully and naturally.

I've completely run out of wearable shoes.  There are TWO pairs of footwear I can still fit into: my polkadot boots and some house slippers.  Obviously, neither are appropriate to wear to work, so today I squished my feet into an old pair of black dress shoes and now my feet are bruised!  I haven't decided if it's because my feet are swollen or if they've just grown due to the ligaments stretching.  (Pregnancy hormones soften your ligaments and makes them stretchy to prepare your body for the birthing process.)  I really hope it's the latter.

Anyway, I'm gettin' offa here.  My back hurts!
ForeverLove

Hey, what's the big idea?

I am finally feeling better!  Hooray!
I'm not totally better, but I am getting there.  slowly.  very slowly.

Let's see... I was sick for about 2 weeks with an aweful, lingering cold.  One of those days I had the stomache flu on top of that.  AAAND, seeing as how I've had sinus problems the past few months, all of the congestion from the cold just made it so much worse, and at times unbareable.

I am finally getting used to this diabetes diet/schedule.  Thank goodness I only work 2 nights a week!  I don't know how I could do it if I worked full time.  I have to eat every two hours and check my sugar 4 times a day, 2 hours after meals.  If I don't eat enough I get ketones (which, I guess is when your body is not getting enough sugar so it starts to break down your protein? I'm not positive- I haven't researched it, I've just been told.  I also have to check my urine for ketones every morning and sure enough- if I don't eat enough they are there!), so it's not like I can skip meals and not worry about it.  I find I am eating a LOT more food on this diet (made out for me by a diabetes diatition) than I was before I had diabetes.  I used to just eat a sandwich, a fruit cup, and a glass of milk for lunch.  Now I eat mac n cheese, broccli, a fruit cup, a glass of milk, and some ham slices, then 2 hours later I eat 2 cups of popcorn and a cup of grapes, and two hours after that I'm onto a slice and 1/2 of pizza, a salad, a glass of milk, more fruit, yadda yadda...  My entire day is centered around eating and finger pricks!

TRY THIS, FOLKS: I've not eaten anything sweet (including chocolate milk, soda, donuts, pancakes, honey, syrup, cookies, jelly, jam, fruit juice, candy, granola bars, ceral, regular hot chocolate, pies, cakes, icecream) for nearly a MONTH now, and that was including CHRISTMAS, NEW YEAR'S EVE/MY ANNIVERSARY, AND my BIRTHDAY!  Yep.  As soon as I have this kid I am going to Bobs and getting like 5 hotcakes drenched in syrup and I'll wash them down with a gallon of chocolate milk, then I am going to that little donut shop in Hilliard and eating like 4 iced raspberry donuts, then I'll eat a few PB and honey sandwiches, some iced sugar cookies, drink a few cokes, enjoy a Gaeters black raspberry chip waffle cone, and ONLY after all of that will I go on a diet to loose all the baby weight ;-)!  I mean, I deserve to make up for the holidays, right?

So, all I can think about right now is pregnancy, food, and blood.  sorry.  Though it may not be particularly interesting, it's sort of consuming.  I mean, I've been sick the past 2 weeks, so what else is going on?  nothing!  Just baby, food, blood. baby, food, blood. baby, food, blood.
OH, and the National Championship--> That was a, um, spirit lifter for sure. :-/.  Oh well, there is always next year!

I gotta go eat

The Update of the Century

My bellybutton is about to pop out.

Problematic Pancreas

I do have Gestational Diabetes.  Dang it.  Out of the 4 blood tests 2 were normal, 1 was borderline, and 1 was high.  I don't have to take insulin, I just have to go on a diabetic diet and check my blood 4 times a day.  I also have two appointments set up to meet with a nurse and doctor about Gestational DIabetes and everything I need to be doing/avoiding.  Not the worst thing in the world, but still a bummer.  When I first found out I might have it I blamed myself, but my nurse said it's really nothing I did- it's just how my body is responding to all the extra hormones from my placenta.  Normally, a pregnant woman's pancreas triples the amount of insulin it puts out to counteract the placenta hormones that block insulin, but apparently my pancreas is stubborn and doesn't like to do extra work.  Danged pancreas!  This puts me at high risk for Gestational Diabetes for the rest of my pregnancies, and also significantly increases my chances of developing Type 2 Diabetes later in life.  I pretty much was already used to the fact that I was doomed to suffer from Diabetes later in life, considering it runs heavily in my family on both sides.  *sigh*  Still kinda depressing, though.  Diabetes sucks.

Thanks SO MUCH to the ladies who've been reading my LiveJournal and messaging me/talking to me about their personal experiences (or the experiences of people they know) concerning my worries or the things I am going through.  It really does make me feel better, so I appreciate it.  I know I'm not alone, and I'll keep my chin up and try not to worry too much.  Also, thanks to those who've dropped by with warm fuzzy comments and encouragement- I like thinking about happy, hopeful things :-).