Jessica [n. jes.i.kuh]:

My name is Jessica LeAnne (Sanders) Ellwood.

 

I believe in God.

I believe he created the universe and everything in it.

I believe he created man, and gave man the god-like ability to create.

I believe in free will.

 

I believe in worship,

And that worship is a daily decision to recognize and obey God.

 

I believe in Heaven and Hell,

That Heaven is an eternity in God’s presence

And Hell is simply eternity in his absence.

I can’t wrap my mind around a fire and brimstone Hell of eternal torture.

I just don’t buy it.

 

I am a Christian.

I believe that Jesus Christ is the son of God, that he died for my sins, and that he rose again in the third day.

 

I guess I could also be considered a Heretic.

I believe in evolution, or at least in its possibility.

I do not believe in a 7 day creation.

I believe the Earth is millions of years old, or at least I am very convinced!

I’m not sure I believe in a worldwide flood,

And I believe in the possibility of the extra terrestrial, or life on other planets.

 

I believe in the church,

That it is the body of Christ

And that it is worldwide and should be completely unified.

 

But I also understand the necessity of denomination-

To define a set of acceptable beliefs and practices

Because too many non-denominational churches divide and crumble over disagreements concerning biblical interpretation.

 

I am a Strait Edge girl.

I don’t smoke. I don’t drink. I don’t have sex outside of marriage.

However,

I think weed should be legalized. 

And to be completely honest

If it were, I would have to do some major thinking about whether its something I would do or not

Because it would probably work 10x better than Xanex and is better than being on the verge of suicide.

 

Which brings me to Depression.

An old friend.

I am familiar with him, and he with me, and I’m okay with that.

 

But Anxiety is a different story.

I hate anxiety.

It effects my life every day

And I would do anything to destroy it.

 

I believe in God’s loving grace.

It is sufficient.

At times it is far more.

I lay my burdens at his feet and he carries them for me.

Sometimes he carries me.

I owe my life to grace.

 

I am…

Defiant to the bone.

Strong willed.

Short tempered.

And often unmotivated.

 

I am not…

A positive thinker

A people-pleaser

A peace keeper

 

I…

Love.

Forgive.

Try to understand perspectives and motivations.

Admit when I am wrong and will be the first to apologize.

Do NOT expect people to live by what I believe unless they claim to believe

And do NOT judge the lifestyles of those who do not believe.

 

I HATE…

Holding grudges, even when it is so hard to let it go.

Being misunderstood without being given the chance to explain myself.

Self-indulgence, self-centeredness, self-rightousness, self-worship.

Arrogance.

 

I LOVE…

FAMILY.

Purity.

Beauty.

Truth.

Passion.

Community.

Peace.

 

I like…

Photographs/ photography-

(I’m no good at it but I sure do appreciate it).

Clothes, jewelry, hair, and other girly things.

Ohio and all four weather seasons.

Lakes, boating, trees, picnics, and flowers.

Novels.

Reflective writing.

Letters.

Movies.

Romance.

Home.

 

I aspire to be…

A lifelong learner.

A lifelong friend.

A flexible, open-minded educator who cares and makes a difference.

A supportive and loving daughter and sister who can always be counted on.

A forever faithful, encouraging, understanding, and affectionately loving wife.

A good, righteous, adoring, unconditionally loving mother who raises godly children,

And a dedicated disciple of God- always surrendering, always loving, always trusting, always obeying.

 

Well, that's ME!

Remembering Dave

I am still really missing this guy:

 

I will never stop missing him, I know that.  The grief is gone for the most part, but life here without Dave Jordan isn’t the same.

 

• I miss the cohesiveness Dave brought to our “group”.  Dave connected people like no one else could.  He could relate to every personality in a group of very different people, and make it possible for everyone to appreciate and enjoy each other’s company.  All at once he could crack jokes with Howard and make everyone laugh, be goofy with Tony and make it contagious, and strike up an interesting conversation with my dad and involve everyone.  Dave was THE connecting point.
• I miss what he meant to my brother.  He was a true friend who took an active, personal interest in my brother’s life when he really needed it.  People came and went, used and rejected, but Dave was always there to talk and encourage.  I am eternally grateful Matt had Dave; I just wish he still did.
• I miss Dave’s stories.  He was a great storyteller!  He often made me laugh ‘til by belly hurt.  I can think of several stories right now, and I just have to smile.  Oh, man, if only he were here to tell them again- no one else can do them justice! 
• I just miss the simple things like seeing him at church every Sunday (in the very back!) and hearing him say, “Hey, Jessica. How are you doing?”  I miss how he sat on the window ledge waiting for Les, and how he played pool with the boys.  I miss the nicknames he gave everyone!  I miss how he would always take a break from interacting with the “adults” to catch up on the lives of the “younger” people of the group.  I miss how he loved everyone so much, but it wasn’t cheesy- it was real.  Everyone felt personally and especially loved by Dave. 

 

Dear Dave,

What’s heaven like on Christmas?
I’d really like to know.
Can you ice skate on the Crystal Sea?
Can you hear sleigh bells in the snow?

Are there Christmas lights and caroling?
Do the choirs of angels really sing?
Can you help yourself when the bells all ring,
But shout Hallelujah to the King?

Do you bundle up for the cold,
And get cozy by a fire?
Or does every day feel the same-
No need for winter attire...

Are there festivities and Christmas trees,
Is there music and dancing in the streets?
Do you celebrate the day that Jesus was born
And the barrier between God and man was torn?

Or is Christmas more like a birthday bash,
With balloons and a birthday feast?
Does Jesus give people gifts
Just like he washed the disciples’ feet?

Can you look down on Les, Mer and Tay
And wish them a Merry Christmas day?
Can you listen when they begin to pray,
And assure them that you’re not far away?

If there is Christmas time in heaven
I’m sure it’s a glorious sight.
I know that nothing here could ever compare
To celebrating Christmas with Jesus Christ.

 
Merry Christmas Dave Jordan!
-Third Christmas in heaven

I don't want to catch your Miseritis.

"Pardon me while I throw up.
I guess some people never grow up.
What happened to the salvation you claimed?
It breaks my heart to see how much you've changed."


I see right through you.
You think I am simple.
I've carefully evaluated every decision I've made,
and I take ownership of everything I do.
I am not the yes-man-
You are.

I am not a slave to my beliefs.
I have free will and I exercise it every day by choosing to be faithful.
You have little self-control and grapple after what you desire-
a good time and a quick fix.

The people you surround yourself with are not interested in you.
They're attracted to your illusions.
As soon as they find something that makes them "happier" you'll be an afterthought.
It's happened already- haven't you noticed the pattern?

You think you are a free spirit-
You are going to experience the world and all it has to offer you.
You think you are FREE to be yourself
and do what you want, and say what you want.
But throwing consideration and discretion to the wind is not freedom.

I AM FREE.
I am free to stand my ground and live for what I believe in.
I am free to see the value of morality-
to choose to do what is right, even if it's not what I want.
I am free to learn and change and actively define what makes me ME.
I am free to seek a beautiful purity of heart, body, and soul.

...I just couldn't help but notice that you are miserable.
You go thorugh relationship after relationship, and it's everyone else's fault.
You are stagnant-
You are not learning, growing, or experiencing anything new.
It's the same old types of people, situations, and let downs,
and you deal with it the same way everytime.

Excuse you, cover your mouth.
I don't want to catch your Miseritis.
From now on I'll love you from far away
Because I already showed you how to stay immune from the virus.