precious cheeseburger

 Ok. Update.
There is nothing going on.
There is nothing to write about.
My brain is on pause with the rest of my life.

A few weeks ago I finally put away all of the Christmas decorations and stuffed the boxes back in the shed...
And I just realized the multi-colored lights are still on the porch.
DANG IT!
O well- that will just have to be their home for a few months.  I'm not dragging those boxes back out.
No way.

Yesterday my blood sugar was low all day (70s, 80s)...
I started thinking, 'Hey! Maybe I've been CURED!' haha!
Yeah.  I ate some peanutbutter bread and milk this morning and it was 142.
WTH, GOSH!  Thanks for smashing my wishful hopes, stupid pancreas!
I also recently discovered I can no longer drink lemonade, so now the liquids on my menue are milk and water.  That's it.
Apparently light lemonade has aspartame in it (some sugar alchohol), which if OFF LIMITS to pregnant folks like myself.
OOPS.
The good news is, my pregnancy craving recently has been FATTY milk-
something I can actually have!
Yes, I had to graduate from skim to 2% and I am still craving whole.
I think maybe it's because I haven't been gaining enough weight lately.
I've only gained three pounds since early November, and 0 pounds this past month. 
This is supposed to be the time I am rapidly gaining weight, right?
You think that's why my body is craving fat??
I am also craving a BIG HUGE cheeseburger!  With PICKLES and MUSTARD and ONION!
OH MY!
I may need to invest in this... VERY SOON!
I have to wait until Ben gets home, though :(
But I guess I can wait until then...

"Cuz I loves you, cheeseburger with all of my heart
And there's nuthin gunna tear us two apart
...and if the world suddenly ran out of cheese,
I would get down on my hands and knees
to see if someone accidently dropped their cheese in the dirt
and I'd wash it off for you, wipe it off for you, clean that dirty cheese off just for you!
Cuz you're my cheeseburger
and I will wait for you!"

^I can think of NO other occasion when that song would be more perfect!

Hey, what's the big idea?

I am finally feeling better!  Hooray!
I'm not totally better, but I am getting there.  slowly.  very slowly.

Let's see... I was sick for about 2 weeks with an aweful, lingering cold.  One of those days I had the stomache flu on top of that.  AAAND, seeing as how I've had sinus problems the past few months, all of the congestion from the cold just made it so much worse, and at times unbareable.

I am finally getting used to this diabetes diet/schedule.  Thank goodness I only work 2 nights a week!  I don't know how I could do it if I worked full time.  I have to eat every two hours and check my sugar 4 times a day, 2 hours after meals.  If I don't eat enough I get ketones (which, I guess is when your body is not getting enough sugar so it starts to break down your protein? I'm not positive- I haven't researched it, I've just been told.  I also have to check my urine for ketones every morning and sure enough- if I don't eat enough they are there!), so it's not like I can skip meals and not worry about it.  I find I am eating a LOT more food on this diet (made out for me by a diabetes diatition) than I was before I had diabetes.  I used to just eat a sandwich, a fruit cup, and a glass of milk for lunch.  Now I eat mac n cheese, broccli, a fruit cup, a glass of milk, and some ham slices, then 2 hours later I eat 2 cups of popcorn and a cup of grapes, and two hours after that I'm onto a slice and 1/2 of pizza, a salad, a glass of milk, more fruit, yadda yadda...  My entire day is centered around eating and finger pricks!

TRY THIS, FOLKS: I've not eaten anything sweet (including chocolate milk, soda, donuts, pancakes, honey, syrup, cookies, jelly, jam, fruit juice, candy, granola bars, ceral, regular hot chocolate, pies, cakes, icecream) for nearly a MONTH now, and that was including CHRISTMAS, NEW YEAR'S EVE/MY ANNIVERSARY, AND my BIRTHDAY!  Yep.  As soon as I have this kid I am going to Bobs and getting like 5 hotcakes drenched in syrup and I'll wash them down with a gallon of chocolate milk, then I am going to that little donut shop in Hilliard and eating like 4 iced raspberry donuts, then I'll eat a few PB and honey sandwiches, some iced sugar cookies, drink a few cokes, enjoy a Gaeters black raspberry chip waffle cone, and ONLY after all of that will I go on a diet to loose all the baby weight ;-)!  I mean, I deserve to make up for the holidays, right?

So, all I can think about right now is pregnancy, food, and blood.  sorry.  Though it may not be particularly interesting, it's sort of consuming.  I mean, I've been sick the past 2 weeks, so what else is going on?  nothing!  Just baby, food, blood. baby, food, blood. baby, food, blood.
OH, and the National Championship--> That was a, um, spirit lifter for sure. :-/.  Oh well, there is always next year!

I gotta go eat

Problematic Pancreas

I do have Gestational Diabetes.  Dang it.  Out of the 4 blood tests 2 were normal, 1 was borderline, and 1 was high.  I don't have to take insulin, I just have to go on a diabetic diet and check my blood 4 times a day.  I also have two appointments set up to meet with a nurse and doctor about Gestational DIabetes and everything I need to be doing/avoiding.  Not the worst thing in the world, but still a bummer.  When I first found out I might have it I blamed myself, but my nurse said it's really nothing I did- it's just how my body is responding to all the extra hormones from my placenta.  Normally, a pregnant woman's pancreas triples the amount of insulin it puts out to counteract the placenta hormones that block insulin, but apparently my pancreas is stubborn and doesn't like to do extra work.  Danged pancreas!  This puts me at high risk for Gestational Diabetes for the rest of my pregnancies, and also significantly increases my chances of developing Type 2 Diabetes later in life.  I pretty much was already used to the fact that I was doomed to suffer from Diabetes later in life, considering it runs heavily in my family on both sides.  *sigh*  Still kinda depressing, though.  Diabetes sucks.

Thanks SO MUCH to the ladies who've been reading my LiveJournal and messaging me/talking to me about their personal experiences (or the experiences of people they know) concerning my worries or the things I am going through.  It really does make me feel better, so I appreciate it.  I know I'm not alone, and I'll keep my chin up and try not to worry too much.  Also, thanks to those who've dropped by with warm fuzzy comments and encouragement- I like thinking about happy, hopeful things :-).

Okie Dokie Artichokie

Gestational Diabetes Screening- What an aweful test!  

8:30 am: Got my blood drawn (left arm) after fasting for about 13 hours, then had to drink a glass of sugar within 5 minutes, which sat in my empty stomache for the next 3 hours.

9:40 am: My left arm was stuck again, but the nurse couldn't get any blood.  She checked my left hand, right hand, right arm. No veins.  Nurse Brenda, "the nurse who can get blood from ANYONE", was called in and she got blood from my right hand.  Total Sticks (at this point): 3.

10:40 am: Nurse Brenda sticks my right hand. No blood.  She tries my right hand again.  No blood.  She tries my right arm and finally gets some. Total Sticks: 6

11:40 am: Nurse Brenda sticks my right arm.  No blood.  She says she has never had to stick someone so many times. (I have terrible veins.  simply terrible.)  She finally gets some blood from my left arm.  I got to take home the stress ball bull that I had to squeeze.  The nurses said I could take it home as a momento, but I think it was because by the time the whole fiasco was finished the poor guy was absolutely drenched in my hand sweat. Grand Total Sticks: 8!!

I told Adry he better appreciate everything I've had to go through (and will go through) to bring him into this world, but I'm not so sure he ever will.  Afterall, I am nearly 23 years old and I am only beginning to appreciate what my mother went through.

What is even worse than 8 needle sticks on an upset stomache is the constant WORRY I have.  Adry was a pretty active little guy for a few weeks- he was constantly kicking, and really hard!  I saw him and felt him ALL THE TIME.  For about a week he just hasn't been moving that much AT ALL.  I mean, every once in a while I feel him but it is only a tiny flutter.  I miss seeing the tummy ripples.  Yesterday I tried to drink juice and lay still to get him to move and I got nothing.  I shook him around a little bit and got a few very tiny movements.  Then these aweful thoughts started flooding into my brain: "What if something is wrong in there? What if he is in some sort of distress?  Can the cord get wrapped around his neck at this point or is that only during delivery?"  So I got online and googled "decreased fetal movement" and the SCARIEST, FREAKIEST sites popped up telling me it was a sign of impending stillbirth, etc.  Yeah, I flipped out and had a panic attack.  Today, while I was at the office for my Diabetes test, I talked to my nurse (who is actually Brenda, the super sticker.  but she really is a fantastic nurse, I like her a lot) who wasn't really concerned at all.  She said it's ok as long as I feel him at least once a day, and I don't have to start doing fetal movement counts until the 28th week.  She also checked his heartbeat and pushed him around a little to get him to move.  I did feel better after that, but I can't get that stupid google site out of my mind that told me Adry's decrease of movement is a sign he will die in a few days :-/.  That's so freakin scary and I don't know what to do to feel better about it.  I HATE WORRYING ALL THE TIME LIKE THIS!!! 

I should be getting the Diabetes test results within the next few hours.

Gestational Diabetes?

In my last entry I talked about having a phobia of needles, so getting my blood drawn really freaks me out.  Yeah, well... speaking of that, I guess I am really going to have to face my fears next Thursday :-(

My nurse called me today and said that my glucose test from yesterday did not come back "normal".  My blood sugar should have been 135 or lower, and mine was 180.  This means I have to have a 3-4 hour Gestational Diabetes screening during which my blood will be drawn 3 or 4 times, I'm not exactly sure how many times, but I think it's drawn every hour that I'm there.

Web MD's Definition of Gestational Diabetes:
Gestational diabetes is the result of some hormonal changes that occur in all women during pregnancy. Increased levels of certain hormones made in the placenta (the organ that connects the baby by the umbilical cord to the uterus and transfers nutrients from the mother to the baby) interfere with the ability of insulin to manage glucose. This condition is called "insulin resistance." As the placenta grows larger during pregnancy, it produces more hormones and increases this insulin resistance.

Usually the mother's pancreas is able to produce more insulin (about three times the normal amount) to overcome the insulin resistance. If, however, the pancreas cannot produce enough insulin to overcome the effect of the increased hormones during pregnancy, sugar levels will rise, resulting in gestational diabetes.

Gestational Diabetes can cause BIG BABIES (go figure) and some delivery risks.  Also, baby might be born with low blood sugar and/or jaundice.
What REALLY scares me is that if I had high blood sugar during my first trimester, the baby could have some serious birth defects :-/.  How do I know that I didn't have high blood sugar during my first trimester?  I don't remember being tested.  Does Gestational Diabetes almost always develop in the second or third trimesters?  IF ANYONE KNOWS ANYTHING ABOUT THIS, PLEASE LET ME KNOW!!!  Another scary risk is stillbirth, which is very rare if the diabetes is controlled, but still scary! :-(

SO... I'm scared.  I'm freakin' scared and worried.  Like I said, I find out Thursday if I have Gestational Diabetes, so if you pray I COULD REALLY USE YOUR PRAYERS, and if you think, I wouldn't mind your thoughts and good wishes :-)---
-for my comfort
-that I DON'T have it and my tests are normal
-but MOSTLY for the baby's health, whether I have it or not...
-and lastly, for my strength to handel whatever comes my way

...thanks