Baby, you are so worth it.

My brother posted this video on his MySpace.  I thought it was cute, so I thought I would share it, too.
-Baz Luhrmann's Sunscreen


Now's the time when I complain about pain like an old lady (but hey, what else are journals good for if not for some venting now and again?):
My back hurts SOOOOO bad!  I can't stand it!  It's not my lower back that's causing me the most trouble- it's my mid back, a little above my waist.  It's driving me crazy.  I still get sinus headaches every night, and I think I have a cavity or two.  It hurts to eat hard food or drink cold liquids on the right side of my mouth :-(.  I haven't had any teeth problems in YEARS (since I was a little kid) so I HOPE it's just a cavity, though I don't really remember what one feels like.  I need to get to a dentist.  Also, everything is a pain to do now- get up off the couch, lay down, sit up, roll over, bend down to get something, put on my shoes, etc.  I can't sit through a movie anymore without feeling cramped. I can't even sit through a church service.  My whole body is just achy.  I really need to get into some maternity yoga to see if I feel better.  I can get some yoga tapes from the library, but I have to wait until I get my address changed on my license before the library will let me get a card :-(.

Looking on the bright side:
Everything is worth it.
I hardly care that I am fat and sluggish and I have a hampster face.  I don't care that I can't paint my toenails and I haven't shaved my legs in days.  My hair looks like crap and who knows when I will ever fit back into all of my cute clothes, but I don't care.  I feel beautiful because I am going to be a MOTHER- what is more beautiful than that?  Soon I will hold MY baby in my arms and I'll be able to pour out ALL of my love and hold nothing back.  He'll rely on me for everything and for some reason that doesn't scare me in the least because I will love nothing more than to drop everything for him.  He is worth ANYTHING I will go through, and everything I will give up.
I still LOVE feeling him kick.  He's getting stronger and stronger.  I can feel his punches now, too!  Sometimes I feel so many kicks and punches at once, and on opposite sides of my belly, that I am certain he is doing things in there that are humanly impossible.  He is a stubborn little guy, though!  It seems that he only kicks for me, and he never does it when I want him to so that Ben (or anyone else) can feel him or see him.  Oh, but as soon as we are alone he is all over the place, and I can see a thousand ripples all over my abdomen.  Oh well, at least I get to enjoy it :-).  And I do enjoy it very much.  When I wake up at nights and he is moving, I stay awake just to feel him.  It's the best tangible connection I have to him right now, and so it reminds me that he's REALLY gunna be here soon!  :-)

Off subject:
I want to see the movie Juno.  I think it looks really good.  When does it come out, anyone know?

I'm going to go get myself a SHOWER.  Then maybe snuggle in bed with some cranberry juice and watch tv 'til Benny gets home.  Then who knows.

ForeverLove

boy, baby, belly, blabbing

 Poor Benny.
He is at work sick as a dog but he can't leave because he has already used up all of his sick time.  He thinks he has the flu and he is stuck there :-(.
Of course I feel miserable because there is absolutely nothing I can do for him.  Maybe when he gets home he'll let me baby him and I'll make him soup and give him medicine.  I hope he lets me- It would actually make me feel better...  but he sometimes is grumpy when he is sick and doesn't like being babied.

On one hand I am kinda pissed he has no sick time left.  I was afraid something like this would happen when he used up all of his time way before the year was over.  And what if he is REALLY really sick and it lasts for days?  (I know that when I had the flu I couldn't move from the couch for 5 days straight.)  Then what do we do?  I tend to be the speak-before-thinking kinda girl and I feel like telling him, "I hope you learned your lesson!  Next year you need to save up your sick time for emergencies!"  Of course it wouldn't make anything better and I'd just be a naggy wife.  But, pat on the back to me, I've held my tongue!  haha!  Maybe I'll find a nice way to bring it up when he feels better :-).

Well, ANYWAY, to get my mind off of THAT- GUESS WHAT!
I am 24 weeks and 3 days pregnant!!!
And I feel like I am 15 months pregnant!
When will it be over?  Oh yes, that's right.  Another 16 friggin weeks.  ugh.
I appreciate the mothers who sympathize with my being enormous.  Over the course of my pregnancy a handful of women have said, "Oh, I was JUST like you.  I got HUGE really quick and when I was only three months pregnant everyone thought I was almost due."  It's a relief to hear that I am not alone!  No kidding, I am actually getting pretty annoyed with people asking what my due date is because I get the exact same reaction EVERY time:
"...*blank stare*... Oh? really?  You really have that far to go?"
Yes, I'm not even kidding.  I REALLY have that far to go.  Yes, the due date is correct, it's not just some wild guess, and NO I am not having twins!
The baby AND my belly are measuring just the right size for how far along I am.  As long as the measurements are good and healthy, I am happy.

ONE MORE WEEK 'til my 3D ultrasound.  yippiiiieee!  I am prepared to get a confirmation that I am indeed having a boy.  If they say it's a girl I'll be pretty surprised, but not disappointed.  It'll just be something to get used to after calling him a boy for so long.  And, I will seriously doubt my intuition from here on out if it is a girl!
I've been craving chocolate.  Surprising, because for the past few months chocolate did not sound appetizing AT ALL (outside of chocolate milk, that is), and all of the sudden I am rading my parents' pantry and settling on baking chocolate to curb a very strong craving.

I think I have decided to do the nursery in Winnie the Poo.  I know that before I said it was going to be duckies, but I changed my mind for a few reasons.  First, no one sells ducky things.  At least not enough to do a whole nursery in.  EVERYONE sells Winnie the Poo.  It'd be frickin' easy to register for- it's super popular.  At the beginning of my pregnancy I really did NOT want Winnie the Poo because it wasn't "unique" enough- everyone does Winnie the Poo, right?  I wanted something different.  Then I slowly began to realize how much extra work it is to do something unique.  You see, if I do Winnie the Poo, practically everything I would need is in one store, and I can register at that store, and probably get most of what I need as gifts.  All of the sudden, Winnie the Poo is a heck of a lot more appealing!
I've already collected several ducky things and they won't go to waste!  They're still cute, and I'm not too picky- for all I care the nursery will be a Winnie the Poo and ducky mix!  I DOUBT baby will care.  Anyways, most of the ducky stuff I have are little things like towels, robes, stuffed animals, outfits, slippers, baby bathtub, etc.

Before I sign out, I think I will share with you the things I have learned today:
1) Michelina's Fettuccine Alfredo with Chicken and Broccoli is the worst microwave meal. ever.
2) "Angel-a" is a weird movie.
3) My mother takes ownership of both her cell phone and my dad's, and she's not sure which is which, even though hers is a black flat samsung and his is a teal juke.  (I called my dad today and she answered.  Later I called HER and she asked, "did you call dad or me?" lol)
4) I am a LOT better at my job when I am not terrified someone is unhappy with my work.  I need to learn to brush off what people may think of me and just cool off and do my best.  I get too nervous around certain people.

BuhBye4Tonite, LiveJournal!





 

Remembering Dave

I am still really missing this guy:

 

I will never stop missing him, I know that.  The grief is gone for the most part, but life here without Dave Jordan isn’t the same.

 

• I miss the cohesiveness Dave brought to our “group”.  Dave connected people like no one else could.  He could relate to every personality in a group of very different people, and make it possible for everyone to appreciate and enjoy each other’s company.  All at once he could crack jokes with Howard and make everyone laugh, be goofy with Tony and make it contagious, and strike up an interesting conversation with my dad and involve everyone.  Dave was THE connecting point.
• I miss what he meant to my brother.  He was a true friend who took an active, personal interest in my brother’s life when he really needed it.  People came and went, used and rejected, but Dave was always there to talk and encourage.  I am eternally grateful Matt had Dave; I just wish he still did.
• I miss Dave’s stories.  He was a great storyteller!  He often made me laugh ‘til by belly hurt.  I can think of several stories right now, and I just have to smile.  Oh, man, if only he were here to tell them again- no one else can do them justice! 
• I just miss the simple things like seeing him at church every Sunday (in the very back!) and hearing him say, “Hey, Jessica. How are you doing?”  I miss how he sat on the window ledge waiting for Les, and how he played pool with the boys.  I miss the nicknames he gave everyone!  I miss how he would always take a break from interacting with the “adults” to catch up on the lives of the “younger” people of the group.  I miss how he loved everyone so much, but it wasn’t cheesy- it was real.  Everyone felt personally and especially loved by Dave. 

 

Dear Dave,

What’s heaven like on Christmas?
I’d really like to know.
Can you ice skate on the Crystal Sea?
Can you hear sleigh bells in the snow?

Are there Christmas lights and caroling?
Do the choirs of angels really sing?
Can you help yourself when the bells all ring,
But shout Hallelujah to the King?

Do you bundle up for the cold,
And get cozy by a fire?
Or does every day feel the same-
No need for winter attire...

Are there festivities and Christmas trees,
Is there music and dancing in the streets?
Do you celebrate the day that Jesus was born
And the barrier between God and man was torn?

Or is Christmas more like a birthday bash,
With balloons and a birthday feast?
Does Jesus give people gifts
Just like he washed the disciples’ feet?

Can you look down on Les, Mer and Tay
And wish them a Merry Christmas day?
Can you listen when they begin to pray,
And assure them that you’re not far away?

If there is Christmas time in heaven
I’m sure it’s a glorious sight.
I know that nothing here could ever compare
To celebrating Christmas with Jesus Christ.

 
Merry Christmas Dave Jordan!
-Third Christmas in heaven

Christmas Decorating Day

I am pretty tired, but I felt like blogging tonight.  It's a likely possibility that I could fall asleep before posting this.  I've been falling asleep in the middle of everything all day.

Today Benji and I decorated our apartment for Christmas :-).  It was such a nice evening- I very much enjoyed it and the time I got to spend with Ben...  I took a few pictures.  Of course, our camera kinda sucks, so all of them are blurry.  sorry.  O well...

Here is our little Christmas tree:
 

...and we had some spare lights to put out on the deck


I look awful in these next couple of pictures, but I really was enjoying myself :-).  The truth is, I fell asleep in the middle of decorating, haha.  I just konked right out on the couch while Benny was putting lights on the tree.  I've been so sleepy lately.




I love Christmas time!  I can't wait until next year- baby's first Christmas.  He'll be 9 months old!

I gotta go to bed.  Goodnight.

A Short, Bulleted List of Mostly Unrelated Statements

• Right now I am eating No Bake Cookies that my neighbor made and gave to Ben and I.  mmmm.  Aren't neighbors like that the greatest?
• December 15th: 3D Ultrasound!  I am pretty excited about that!
• I can't breath anymore.  4 more months of being out of breath- I am not excited for that.
• I fall asleep randomly, anywhere, anytime.  I completely can't help it, I just get so freakin' tired.
• Nesting.  I cleaned my house from top to bottom the other day and suddenly felt like I was completely ready and prepared to welcome my baby into the world at any moment.  No crib, no changing table, no diapers, but no matter- I was ready!  ...again, I have four months left.  Geesh.  It's going to be a long 4 months.
• Off to bed.

CHRISTMAS

I wondered about something lately...
And so I did what I always do when I wonder about something: I research, ask other people's opinions, put all my gathered information together, think about it...  and I have come to my conclusion!

Christmas: Christ's mass

Why do people who do not confess to believe in Jesus Christ celebrate Christmas, what does Christmas mean to them, and does the secular commercialism and political correctness of Christmas deminish what the holiday means to Christians?

Why "Christmas" is not just "Christian":The truth is, Christmas is a big jumble of both Christian and secular traditions including Germanic Pagan Solstice festivals , The Roman celebration of the birth of Saturn, and other winter festivals.  December 25th is the tradtitional date of the birth of Jesus Christ (not his actual birthdate), and has been since about AD 221, but was not celebrated as Jesus's birthday until 354.  Though set aside as the day to remember and celebrate Christ's birth, Christmas, from the beginning, incoorperated the pagan traditions and was a public festival.

Commercialism: My brother made me sad one day when he said, "Christmas doesn't mean that much to me because it's not about Christ anymore."  I think a lot of Christians feel that way- they feel robbed.  They feel that Christmas is theirs, and it has turned into such a commercial holiday that Christ is no longer the center or the meaning... the secular world has taken their holiday and attached its own meaning to it.  However, I believe that the commercialism of the season does NOT deminish what Christmas means to me because I don't allow it to.  I, along with millions of other Christians, set aside the Christmas season to remember, reflect on, and celebrate my belief that Jesus is the good news, the fulfillment of God's word, and that through a relationship with Him I know God.  Anyways, most Christians are guilty of celebrating their Christian holiday using secular traditions (gift giving, Santa Claus, evergreen trees...) and the secular world has every right to their winter festivities without including Christ in the mix.  I think that Christmas can only be Christian when Christians set it aside and make it that way.

Political Correctness:  This does bother me to a certain extent.  I don't like it when people purposely try to take "Christ" away from MY "Christmas"- (they can take Christ away from their Christmas, but not mine).  And NO, I'm not talking about "Xmas" seeing as how in Greek (the new Testament language), "X" is the first letter of "Christ", so "Xmas" is actually a Christian abbreviation for "CHRISTmas".  But I'm not about to tip-toe around the subject of Christ, cautious about what I say, because for me, He is what Chistmas is all about.  You can tell me, "Happy Holidays", that's fine, I won't be offended if that's what it is to you- a nameless holiday...  But I'm gunna turn around and say "MERRY FREAKIN' CHRISTMAS" and I hope YOU won't be offended, either :-).

You know how I LOVE A Charlie Brown Christmas! :-)

I don't want to catch your Miseritis.

"Pardon me while I throw up.
I guess some people never grow up.
What happened to the salvation you claimed?
It breaks my heart to see how much you've changed."


I see right through you.
You think I am simple.
I've carefully evaluated every decision I've made,
and I take ownership of everything I do.
I am not the yes-man-
You are.

I am not a slave to my beliefs.
I have free will and I exercise it every day by choosing to be faithful.
You have little self-control and grapple after what you desire-
a good time and a quick fix.

The people you surround yourself with are not interested in you.
They're attracted to your illusions.
As soon as they find something that makes them "happier" you'll be an afterthought.
It's happened already- haven't you noticed the pattern?

You think you are a free spirit-
You are going to experience the world and all it has to offer you.
You think you are FREE to be yourself
and do what you want, and say what you want.
But throwing consideration and discretion to the wind is not freedom.

I AM FREE.
I am free to stand my ground and live for what I believe in.
I am free to see the value of morality-
to choose to do what is right, even if it's not what I want.
I am free to learn and change and actively define what makes me ME.
I am free to seek a beautiful purity of heart, body, and soul.

...I just couldn't help but notice that you are miserable.
You go thorugh relationship after relationship, and it's everyone else's fault.
You are stagnant-
You are not learning, growing, or experiencing anything new.
It's the same old types of people, situations, and let downs,
and you deal with it the same way everytime.

Excuse you, cover your mouth.
I don't want to catch your Miseritis.
From now on I'll love you from far away
Because I already showed you how to stay immune from the virus.