The Update of the Century

My bellybutton is about to pop out.

Problematic Pancreas

I do have Gestational Diabetes.  Dang it.  Out of the 4 blood tests 2 were normal, 1 was borderline, and 1 was high.  I don't have to take insulin, I just have to go on a diabetic diet and check my blood 4 times a day.  I also have two appointments set up to meet with a nurse and doctor about Gestational DIabetes and everything I need to be doing/avoiding.  Not the worst thing in the world, but still a bummer.  When I first found out I might have it I blamed myself, but my nurse said it's really nothing I did- it's just how my body is responding to all the extra hormones from my placenta.  Normally, a pregnant woman's pancreas triples the amount of insulin it puts out to counteract the placenta hormones that block insulin, but apparently my pancreas is stubborn and doesn't like to do extra work.  Danged pancreas!  This puts me at high risk for Gestational Diabetes for the rest of my pregnancies, and also significantly increases my chances of developing Type 2 Diabetes later in life.  I pretty much was already used to the fact that I was doomed to suffer from Diabetes later in life, considering it runs heavily in my family on both sides.  *sigh*  Still kinda depressing, though.  Diabetes sucks.

Thanks SO MUCH to the ladies who've been reading my LiveJournal and messaging me/talking to me about their personal experiences (or the experiences of people they know) concerning my worries or the things I am going through.  It really does make me feel better, so I appreciate it.  I know I'm not alone, and I'll keep my chin up and try not to worry too much.  Also, thanks to those who've dropped by with warm fuzzy comments and encouragement- I like thinking about happy, hopeful things :-).

Okie Dokie Artichokie

Gestational Diabetes Screening- What an aweful test!  

8:30 am: Got my blood drawn (left arm) after fasting for about 13 hours, then had to drink a glass of sugar within 5 minutes, which sat in my empty stomache for the next 3 hours.

9:40 am: My left arm was stuck again, but the nurse couldn't get any blood.  She checked my left hand, right hand, right arm. No veins.  Nurse Brenda, "the nurse who can get blood from ANYONE", was called in and she got blood from my right hand.  Total Sticks (at this point): 3.

10:40 am: Nurse Brenda sticks my right hand. No blood.  She tries my right hand again.  No blood.  She tries my right arm and finally gets some. Total Sticks: 6

11:40 am: Nurse Brenda sticks my right arm.  No blood.  She says she has never had to stick someone so many times. (I have terrible veins.  simply terrible.)  She finally gets some blood from my left arm.  I got to take home the stress ball bull that I had to squeeze.  The nurses said I could take it home as a momento, but I think it was because by the time the whole fiasco was finished the poor guy was absolutely drenched in my hand sweat. Grand Total Sticks: 8!!

I told Adry he better appreciate everything I've had to go through (and will go through) to bring him into this world, but I'm not so sure he ever will.  Afterall, I am nearly 23 years old and I am only beginning to appreciate what my mother went through.

What is even worse than 8 needle sticks on an upset stomache is the constant WORRY I have.  Adry was a pretty active little guy for a few weeks- he was constantly kicking, and really hard!  I saw him and felt him ALL THE TIME.  For about a week he just hasn't been moving that much AT ALL.  I mean, every once in a while I feel him but it is only a tiny flutter.  I miss seeing the tummy ripples.  Yesterday I tried to drink juice and lay still to get him to move and I got nothing.  I shook him around a little bit and got a few very tiny movements.  Then these aweful thoughts started flooding into my brain: "What if something is wrong in there? What if he is in some sort of distress?  Can the cord get wrapped around his neck at this point or is that only during delivery?"  So I got online and googled "decreased fetal movement" and the SCARIEST, FREAKIEST sites popped up telling me it was a sign of impending stillbirth, etc.  Yeah, I flipped out and had a panic attack.  Today, while I was at the office for my Diabetes test, I talked to my nurse (who is actually Brenda, the super sticker.  but she really is a fantastic nurse, I like her a lot) who wasn't really concerned at all.  She said it's ok as long as I feel him at least once a day, and I don't have to start doing fetal movement counts until the 28th week.  She also checked his heartbeat and pushed him around a little to get him to move.  I did feel better after that, but I can't get that stupid google site out of my mind that told me Adry's decrease of movement is a sign he will die in a few days :-/.  That's so freakin scary and I don't know what to do to feel better about it.  I HATE WORRYING ALL THE TIME LIKE THIS!!! 

I should be getting the Diabetes test results within the next few hours.

boredom is for boring people

I've been stuck home alone all day!  :-(.  Benny took my car to work, so I have no car (which is my fault, actually, because him and I both drove seperately to Hilliard yesterday and I was so incredibly tired last night that I didn't feel like driving home, so Ben drove us both home in my car...). 
Soooo, I am bored.  bored. bored. bored.

I wish I had ink for my printer!  I have a big huge picture frame I want to fill with a collage for Adry's nursery, but alas, my printer is Out of Order.

...so, I am sitting here, chomping on Bazooka gum, waiting impatiently for Ben to get home so we can do some shopping.

I also wish I had more to write about, but my brain hasn't been doing much thinking.

blank.

OH, I got most of my gift registering finished yesterday.  I forgot about a few things so I need to go touch it up...  I registered at Target.  I was going to register at BabiesRUs as well, but I found everything I needed at Target.  Is it ok to only register at one store? 

............and I JUST spilled a full glass of water ALL over myself and my floor.  Way to go, Jessica!
geeeeez!



 

Adry Ellwood

I had my 3D Ultrasound on Saturday!  It was AMAZING!  I've never been anywhere else, but I do recommend Envision Imaging because we had a really good experience there.  In the Ultrasound room they played sappy music, perfect for making women cry (haha ;-)) and they projected the Ultrasound on a GIANT screen that covered a whole wall.  First, the technician took some 2D pics, and told me FOR SURE that I was indeed having a BOY!!  She said, "There is no doubt.  You can go home and paint your walls blue!" :-).  As soon as she switched from the 2D to the 3D and I saw my baby's face I got all choked up and teary.  I was just watching him move his little fingers and blink his eyes and all I could think was, "That's MY baby boy!"  And soon after that I thought, "My gosh, he has some chubby cheeks!"  (Side Note: I went home that evening and found some newborn pictures of me, and I probably had the biggest cheeks and the roundest face of any newborn baby EVER.)  He was very entertained by his face!  No part went untouched.  He examined his eyes, his nose, his forehead, and sucked on his fingers for a while.  I got to see him scrunch his face, kick, open his mouth, and turn around.  I loved every minute of it, as did my mother and Les who went with me.

Well, after paying a pretty penny they sent me home with a 19 minute DVD of the session, a CD with 25 "color" pictures, and about 6 or 7 black and white photos.  Mom and I went immediately to Target to make a thousand prints.
**By the way- I posted all of the "color" photos on my MySpace (myspace.com/strawberryteardrop) in the album "Adry in 3D".**





Benjamin Adryel Ellwood
(Adry)
Due March 27, 2008
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yesterday I started AND tried to finish all of my Christmas shopping but I was not very successful at all.  I think I only got my mom completely finished!  Jamie and I hit up Target, Best Buy, Starbucks, Tuttle mall, and we attempted some other places that were already closed :-(.  I wanted to register for gifts AND dye my hair, but by the time that was over I was really worn out.  I came home, fell asleep, and then later that night we went to go see I am Legend, which for the most part I really enjoyed.  I was entertained the whole way through, but I wasn't altogether impressed with the ending.  I still really want to see Atonement and Juno.  (Yeah, I am a nerd.  I LOVE movies.  I love everything about movies.  I could spend every night at a movie theater.  Maybe I get it from my dad?- he DID graduate from college with some sort of film production degree and he really enjoys it so I do hear a lot about it.  For instance, just the other night he told me all about why Orson Wells's Citizen Kane was such a breakthrough and influential movie, and it actually really interested me.) 

I start my tutoring job today!  I'm kind of upset that I didn't get my hair dyed so that it looked decent for today, but OH WELL, what can ya do?
I do need to go eat something and shower myself, so...
goodbye!

Gestational Diabetes?

In my last entry I talked about having a phobia of needles, so getting my blood drawn really freaks me out.  Yeah, well... speaking of that, I guess I am really going to have to face my fears next Thursday :-(

My nurse called me today and said that my glucose test from yesterday did not come back "normal".  My blood sugar should have been 135 or lower, and mine was 180.  This means I have to have a 3-4 hour Gestational Diabetes screening during which my blood will be drawn 3 or 4 times, I'm not exactly sure how many times, but I think it's drawn every hour that I'm there.

Web MD's Definition of Gestational Diabetes:
Gestational diabetes is the result of some hormonal changes that occur in all women during pregnancy. Increased levels of certain hormones made in the placenta (the organ that connects the baby by the umbilical cord to the uterus and transfers nutrients from the mother to the baby) interfere with the ability of insulin to manage glucose. This condition is called "insulin resistance." As the placenta grows larger during pregnancy, it produces more hormones and increases this insulin resistance.

Usually the mother's pancreas is able to produce more insulin (about three times the normal amount) to overcome the insulin resistance. If, however, the pancreas cannot produce enough insulin to overcome the effect of the increased hormones during pregnancy, sugar levels will rise, resulting in gestational diabetes.

Gestational Diabetes can cause BIG BABIES (go figure) and some delivery risks.  Also, baby might be born with low blood sugar and/or jaundice.
What REALLY scares me is that if I had high blood sugar during my first trimester, the baby could have some serious birth defects :-/.  How do I know that I didn't have high blood sugar during my first trimester?  I don't remember being tested.  Does Gestational Diabetes almost always develop in the second or third trimesters?  IF ANYONE KNOWS ANYTHING ABOUT THIS, PLEASE LET ME KNOW!!!  Another scary risk is stillbirth, which is very rare if the diabetes is controlled, but still scary! :-(

SO... I'm scared.  I'm freakin' scared and worried.  Like I said, I find out Thursday if I have Gestational Diabetes, so if you pray I COULD REALLY USE YOUR PRAYERS, and if you think, I wouldn't mind your thoughts and good wishes :-)---
-for my comfort
-that I DON'T have it and my tests are normal
-but MOSTLY for the baby's health, whether I have it or not...
-and lastly, for my strength to handel whatever comes my way

...thanks

an update

1) I quit my job.  
I so needed to.  I needed to forever ago.  It's not where I belonged at all.  I know what I was thinking when I accepted the job.  I was thinking, "Oh, this will be good!  I am pregnant and this little store sells loads of baby things, and I can get things real cheap!"  OK, so I accepted the job, and didn't find out what I got paid until THREE weeks later (and not for lack of asking, either), and it turns out the pay was so little that I couldn't afford to buy anything anyways.  ...So WHY, with a degree in Education, was I there?  I have no clue...  other than the fact that I am compulsive and have trouble quitting things, so that's probably why.

2) I got a new job!
The day after I quit Tots I e-mailed my resume to four tutoring centers (a total of five including the one I sent to Sylvan when I still worked at Tots) and got a response that very day from Kumon in Mill Run.  Today I went in, and was offered the job! HOORAY!  This surprised and pleased me, considering my very very pregnant condition, lol.  It was obviously PERFECT timing, though, because the owner/head instructor of the center kept saying, "We've really been praying for you." and someone else who worked there said the same thing- apparently one of the assistant instructors, whose place I'll be taking, is leaving at the end of next week and they really needed someone.  Anyways, the lady who hired me= SUPER NICE.  I felt really comfortable right away...  she's just a genuinely sweet person.  The center is only open two days a week so I won't have many hours at all, but I don't mind, A) because I am pregnant and don't want to over work myself anyways; B) the experience is worth just as much as the money, to be honest- it's actually in my field; and C) this job fits right in with my future dreams/plans/goals I've already set for myself (tutoring and substituting while I finish my Endorsement, and then getting a full time teaching position).  In other words, I finally feel like I am headed in the right direction!

3) I had a Baby Checkup Today.
I didn't find out anything new or interesting... other than my belly measures 26 inches, the baby's heart rate is in the 158-160 range as it always is, and I am convinced that I will NEVER get over my phobia of needles no matter how much exposure I have to them.  I had to have blood drawn today for the diabetes test (OH, and by the way, that orange drink made me sick. yuck.) and I FREAKED out. AGAIN.  I've had my blood drawn about 1,749 times by now- you would think I would be used to it, but no.  I panic every time.  I mean, like, really panic.  I break out in this terrified sweat, and I have no clue why.  It doesn't make any sense at all-- I can sit through an hour and a half of painful chest tattoo BY CHOICE (not that I didn't freak out for that. I did, but I still went through with it), AND several 14 guage piercings, and I still freak out from a little butterfly needle that doesn't even hurt?  ??  

Well, that's the end of my update for tonight.  I think I am going to go to bed, or try to at least.
Goodnight, LivJ!
~Jess

get over it

not feeling good.
not happy.
worried about everything.

i need to...
get over it.
move on and make the best of things!
take a deep breath.
smile.
hope.
be thankful.
neither worrying nor second guessing will make anything better.
just DO what needs to be done.

Baby, you are so worth it.

My brother posted this video on his MySpace.  I thought it was cute, so I thought I would share it, too.
-Baz Luhrmann's Sunscreen


Now's the time when I complain about pain like an old lady (but hey, what else are journals good for if not for some venting now and again?):
My back hurts SOOOOO bad!  I can't stand it!  It's not my lower back that's causing me the most trouble- it's my mid back, a little above my waist.  It's driving me crazy.  I still get sinus headaches every night, and I think I have a cavity or two.  It hurts to eat hard food or drink cold liquids on the right side of my mouth :-(.  I haven't had any teeth problems in YEARS (since I was a little kid) so I HOPE it's just a cavity, though I don't really remember what one feels like.  I need to get to a dentist.  Also, everything is a pain to do now- get up off the couch, lay down, sit up, roll over, bend down to get something, put on my shoes, etc.  I can't sit through a movie anymore without feeling cramped. I can't even sit through a church service.  My whole body is just achy.  I really need to get into some maternity yoga to see if I feel better.  I can get some yoga tapes from the library, but I have to wait until I get my address changed on my license before the library will let me get a card :-(.

Looking on the bright side:
Everything is worth it.
I hardly care that I am fat and sluggish and I have a hampster face.  I don't care that I can't paint my toenails and I haven't shaved my legs in days.  My hair looks like crap and who knows when I will ever fit back into all of my cute clothes, but I don't care.  I feel beautiful because I am going to be a MOTHER- what is more beautiful than that?  Soon I will hold MY baby in my arms and I'll be able to pour out ALL of my love and hold nothing back.  He'll rely on me for everything and for some reason that doesn't scare me in the least because I will love nothing more than to drop everything for him.  He is worth ANYTHING I will go through, and everything I will give up.
I still LOVE feeling him kick.  He's getting stronger and stronger.  I can feel his punches now, too!  Sometimes I feel so many kicks and punches at once, and on opposite sides of my belly, that I am certain he is doing things in there that are humanly impossible.  He is a stubborn little guy, though!  It seems that he only kicks for me, and he never does it when I want him to so that Ben (or anyone else) can feel him or see him.  Oh, but as soon as we are alone he is all over the place, and I can see a thousand ripples all over my abdomen.  Oh well, at least I get to enjoy it :-).  And I do enjoy it very much.  When I wake up at nights and he is moving, I stay awake just to feel him.  It's the best tangible connection I have to him right now, and so it reminds me that he's REALLY gunna be here soon!  :-)

Off subject:
I want to see the movie Juno.  I think it looks really good.  When does it come out, anyone know?

I'm going to go get myself a SHOWER.  Then maybe snuggle in bed with some cranberry juice and watch tv 'til Benny gets home.  Then who knows.

ForeverLove

boy, baby, belly, blabbing

 Poor Benny.
He is at work sick as a dog but he can't leave because he has already used up all of his sick time.  He thinks he has the flu and he is stuck there :-(.
Of course I feel miserable because there is absolutely nothing I can do for him.  Maybe when he gets home he'll let me baby him and I'll make him soup and give him medicine.  I hope he lets me- It would actually make me feel better...  but he sometimes is grumpy when he is sick and doesn't like being babied.

On one hand I am kinda pissed he has no sick time left.  I was afraid something like this would happen when he used up all of his time way before the year was over.  And what if he is REALLY really sick and it lasts for days?  (I know that when I had the flu I couldn't move from the couch for 5 days straight.)  Then what do we do?  I tend to be the speak-before-thinking kinda girl and I feel like telling him, "I hope you learned your lesson!  Next year you need to save up your sick time for emergencies!"  Of course it wouldn't make anything better and I'd just be a naggy wife.  But, pat on the back to me, I've held my tongue!  haha!  Maybe I'll find a nice way to bring it up when he feels better :-).

Well, ANYWAY, to get my mind off of THAT- GUESS WHAT!
I am 24 weeks and 3 days pregnant!!!
And I feel like I am 15 months pregnant!
When will it be over?  Oh yes, that's right.  Another 16 friggin weeks.  ugh.
I appreciate the mothers who sympathize with my being enormous.  Over the course of my pregnancy a handful of women have said, "Oh, I was JUST like you.  I got HUGE really quick and when I was only three months pregnant everyone thought I was almost due."  It's a relief to hear that I am not alone!  No kidding, I am actually getting pretty annoyed with people asking what my due date is because I get the exact same reaction EVERY time:
"...*blank stare*... Oh? really?  You really have that far to go?"
Yes, I'm not even kidding.  I REALLY have that far to go.  Yes, the due date is correct, it's not just some wild guess, and NO I am not having twins!
The baby AND my belly are measuring just the right size for how far along I am.  As long as the measurements are good and healthy, I am happy.

ONE MORE WEEK 'til my 3D ultrasound.  yippiiiieee!  I am prepared to get a confirmation that I am indeed having a boy.  If they say it's a girl I'll be pretty surprised, but not disappointed.  It'll just be something to get used to after calling him a boy for so long.  And, I will seriously doubt my intuition from here on out if it is a girl!
I've been craving chocolate.  Surprising, because for the past few months chocolate did not sound appetizing AT ALL (outside of chocolate milk, that is), and all of the sudden I am rading my parents' pantry and settling on baking chocolate to curb a very strong craving.

I think I have decided to do the nursery in Winnie the Poo.  I know that before I said it was going to be duckies, but I changed my mind for a few reasons.  First, no one sells ducky things.  At least not enough to do a whole nursery in.  EVERYONE sells Winnie the Poo.  It'd be frickin' easy to register for- it's super popular.  At the beginning of my pregnancy I really did NOT want Winnie the Poo because it wasn't "unique" enough- everyone does Winnie the Poo, right?  I wanted something different.  Then I slowly began to realize how much extra work it is to do something unique.  You see, if I do Winnie the Poo, practically everything I would need is in one store, and I can register at that store, and probably get most of what I need as gifts.  All of the sudden, Winnie the Poo is a heck of a lot more appealing!
I've already collected several ducky things and they won't go to waste!  They're still cute, and I'm not too picky- for all I care the nursery will be a Winnie the Poo and ducky mix!  I DOUBT baby will care.  Anyways, most of the ducky stuff I have are little things like towels, robes, stuffed animals, outfits, slippers, baby bathtub, etc.

Before I sign out, I think I will share with you the things I have learned today:
1) Michelina's Fettuccine Alfredo with Chicken and Broccoli is the worst microwave meal. ever.
2) "Angel-a" is a weird movie.
3) My mother takes ownership of both her cell phone and my dad's, and she's not sure which is which, even though hers is a black flat samsung and his is a teal juke.  (I called my dad today and she answered.  Later I called HER and she asked, "did you call dad or me?" lol)
4) I am a LOT better at my job when I am not terrified someone is unhappy with my work.  I need to learn to brush off what people may think of me and just cool off and do my best.  I get too nervous around certain people.

BuhBye4Tonite, LiveJournal!





 

Remembering Dave

I am still really missing this guy:

 

I will never stop missing him, I know that.  The grief is gone for the most part, but life here without Dave Jordan isn’t the same.

 

• I miss the cohesiveness Dave brought to our “group”.  Dave connected people like no one else could.  He could relate to every personality in a group of very different people, and make it possible for everyone to appreciate and enjoy each other’s company.  All at once he could crack jokes with Howard and make everyone laugh, be goofy with Tony and make it contagious, and strike up an interesting conversation with my dad and involve everyone.  Dave was THE connecting point.
• I miss what he meant to my brother.  He was a true friend who took an active, personal interest in my brother’s life when he really needed it.  People came and went, used and rejected, but Dave was always there to talk and encourage.  I am eternally grateful Matt had Dave; I just wish he still did.
• I miss Dave’s stories.  He was a great storyteller!  He often made me laugh ‘til by belly hurt.  I can think of several stories right now, and I just have to smile.  Oh, man, if only he were here to tell them again- no one else can do them justice! 
• I just miss the simple things like seeing him at church every Sunday (in the very back!) and hearing him say, “Hey, Jessica. How are you doing?”  I miss how he sat on the window ledge waiting for Les, and how he played pool with the boys.  I miss the nicknames he gave everyone!  I miss how he would always take a break from interacting with the “adults” to catch up on the lives of the “younger” people of the group.  I miss how he loved everyone so much, but it wasn’t cheesy- it was real.  Everyone felt personally and especially loved by Dave. 

 

Dear Dave,

What’s heaven like on Christmas?
I’d really like to know.
Can you ice skate on the Crystal Sea?
Can you hear sleigh bells in the snow?

Are there Christmas lights and caroling?
Do the choirs of angels really sing?
Can you help yourself when the bells all ring,
But shout Hallelujah to the King?

Do you bundle up for the cold,
And get cozy by a fire?
Or does every day feel the same-
No need for winter attire...

Are there festivities and Christmas trees,
Is there music and dancing in the streets?
Do you celebrate the day that Jesus was born
And the barrier between God and man was torn?

Or is Christmas more like a birthday bash,
With balloons and a birthday feast?
Does Jesus give people gifts
Just like he washed the disciples’ feet?

Can you look down on Les, Mer and Tay
And wish them a Merry Christmas day?
Can you listen when they begin to pray,
And assure them that you’re not far away?

If there is Christmas time in heaven
I’m sure it’s a glorious sight.
I know that nothing here could ever compare
To celebrating Christmas with Jesus Christ.

 
Merry Christmas Dave Jordan!
-Third Christmas in heaven

Christmas Decorating Day

I am pretty tired, but I felt like blogging tonight.  It's a likely possibility that I could fall asleep before posting this.  I've been falling asleep in the middle of everything all day.

Today Benji and I decorated our apartment for Christmas :-).  It was such a nice evening- I very much enjoyed it and the time I got to spend with Ben...  I took a few pictures.  Of course, our camera kinda sucks, so all of them are blurry.  sorry.  O well...

Here is our little Christmas tree:
 

...and we had some spare lights to put out on the deck


I look awful in these next couple of pictures, but I really was enjoying myself :-).  The truth is, I fell asleep in the middle of decorating, haha.  I just konked right out on the couch while Benny was putting lights on the tree.  I've been so sleepy lately.




I love Christmas time!  I can't wait until next year- baby's first Christmas.  He'll be 9 months old!

I gotta go to bed.  Goodnight.

A Short, Bulleted List of Mostly Unrelated Statements

• Right now I am eating No Bake Cookies that my neighbor made and gave to Ben and I.  mmmm.  Aren't neighbors like that the greatest?
• December 15th: 3D Ultrasound!  I am pretty excited about that!
• I can't breath anymore.  4 more months of being out of breath- I am not excited for that.
• I fall asleep randomly, anywhere, anytime.  I completely can't help it, I just get so freakin' tired.
• Nesting.  I cleaned my house from top to bottom the other day and suddenly felt like I was completely ready and prepared to welcome my baby into the world at any moment.  No crib, no changing table, no diapers, but no matter- I was ready!  ...again, I have four months left.  Geesh.  It's going to be a long 4 months.
• Off to bed.

CHRISTMAS

I wondered about something lately...
And so I did what I always do when I wonder about something: I research, ask other people's opinions, put all my gathered information together, think about it...  and I have come to my conclusion!

Christmas: Christ's mass

Why do people who do not confess to believe in Jesus Christ celebrate Christmas, what does Christmas mean to them, and does the secular commercialism and political correctness of Christmas deminish what the holiday means to Christians?

Why "Christmas" is not just "Christian":The truth is, Christmas is a big jumble of both Christian and secular traditions including Germanic Pagan Solstice festivals , The Roman celebration of the birth of Saturn, and other winter festivals.  December 25th is the tradtitional date of the birth of Jesus Christ (not his actual birthdate), and has been since about AD 221, but was not celebrated as Jesus's birthday until 354.  Though set aside as the day to remember and celebrate Christ's birth, Christmas, from the beginning, incoorperated the pagan traditions and was a public festival.

Commercialism: My brother made me sad one day when he said, "Christmas doesn't mean that much to me because it's not about Christ anymore."  I think a lot of Christians feel that way- they feel robbed.  They feel that Christmas is theirs, and it has turned into such a commercial holiday that Christ is no longer the center or the meaning... the secular world has taken their holiday and attached its own meaning to it.  However, I believe that the commercialism of the season does NOT deminish what Christmas means to me because I don't allow it to.  I, along with millions of other Christians, set aside the Christmas season to remember, reflect on, and celebrate my belief that Jesus is the good news, the fulfillment of God's word, and that through a relationship with Him I know God.  Anyways, most Christians are guilty of celebrating their Christian holiday using secular traditions (gift giving, Santa Claus, evergreen trees...) and the secular world has every right to their winter festivities without including Christ in the mix.  I think that Christmas can only be Christian when Christians set it aside and make it that way.

Political Correctness:  This does bother me to a certain extent.  I don't like it when people purposely try to take "Christ" away from MY "Christmas"- (they can take Christ away from their Christmas, but not mine).  And NO, I'm not talking about "Xmas" seeing as how in Greek (the new Testament language), "X" is the first letter of "Christ", so "Xmas" is actually a Christian abbreviation for "CHRISTmas".  But I'm not about to tip-toe around the subject of Christ, cautious about what I say, because for me, He is what Chistmas is all about.  You can tell me, "Happy Holidays", that's fine, I won't be offended if that's what it is to you- a nameless holiday...  But I'm gunna turn around and say "MERRY FREAKIN' CHRISTMAS" and I hope YOU won't be offended, either :-).

You know how I LOVE A Charlie Brown Christmas! :-)

I don't want to catch your Miseritis.

"Pardon me while I throw up.
I guess some people never grow up.
What happened to the salvation you claimed?
It breaks my heart to see how much you've changed."


I see right through you.
You think I am simple.
I've carefully evaluated every decision I've made,
and I take ownership of everything I do.
I am not the yes-man-
You are.

I am not a slave to my beliefs.
I have free will and I exercise it every day by choosing to be faithful.
You have little self-control and grapple after what you desire-
a good time and a quick fix.

The people you surround yourself with are not interested in you.
They're attracted to your illusions.
As soon as they find something that makes them "happier" you'll be an afterthought.
It's happened already- haven't you noticed the pattern?

You think you are a free spirit-
You are going to experience the world and all it has to offer you.
You think you are FREE to be yourself
and do what you want, and say what you want.
But throwing consideration and discretion to the wind is not freedom.

I AM FREE.
I am free to stand my ground and live for what I believe in.
I am free to see the value of morality-
to choose to do what is right, even if it's not what I want.
I am free to learn and change and actively define what makes me ME.
I am free to seek a beautiful purity of heart, body, and soul.

...I just couldn't help but notice that you are miserable.
You go thorugh relationship after relationship, and it's everyone else's fault.
You are stagnant-
You are not learning, growing, or experiencing anything new.
It's the same old types of people, situations, and let downs,
and you deal with it the same way everytime.

Excuse you, cover your mouth.
I don't want to catch your Miseritis.
From now on I'll love you from far away
Because I already showed you how to stay immune from the virus.

Future Jazz Lover?

Today I was listening to music on my laptop with the speakers resting right against my belly, which I do quite often because it is comfortable.  I have never thought about playing music for the baby, or the possibility that he is hearing what I am playing.  Well, today I was listening to Vince Guaraldi and I got a HUGE response from Mr. Baby in my belly.  He started sumersaulting and kicking all over the place, ESPECIALLY during the song "Christmas is Coming" from the Charlie Brown Christmas movie.

I decided to expirament a little, and played some other music.  No response.  Then I played Guaraldi again-- LOTS of kicks.  I turned off the music for a while.  No response.  I played some softer Guraldi songs and the baby started moving around a little.  Then I played "Christmas is Coming" and he went crazy with the kicking, haha :-).

Maybe he will end up being a jazz lover?  Hmmm?  I guess we'll find out one day! 

Baby and Thanksgiving

1) Baby Update
Warning: This is kinda personal, and maybe graphic, depending on what your "gross-out" threshold is.

On Sunday I celebrated Thanksgiving with my family and a few close friends.  Let me just say, first, that it was a FANTASTIC day!  But, I bled again (fourth time), and was having a lot of watery discharge, which was the scariest thing (mucus plug could have popped= BAD).  Luckily, my best friend's mother was there and she has been a Labor and Delivery nurse for over 20 years.  I'm real thankful for that, even though there was no room for modesty!  She checked things out, explained a lot of stuff to me, and really helped a LOT.  Anyways, I went to go see Dr. King on Monday to try to get to the bottom of all this bleeding, and I endured a lot of EXTREMELY painful cervix examinations.  OOOOH MY GOSH- OUCH OUCH OUCH! (Three different examinations.  Yeah- NOT fun.)  It turns out she is pretty sure that the bleeding is not coming from my placenta at all, that it is actually coming from my cervix, which she called "friable", which kind of means "brittle"...  it's raw and bleeds easily :-(.  This is actually good news because it means the bleeding is something I don't really have to worry about anymore.  No more emergency hopital/doctor visits! yay!  Bad news= No more sex during pregnancy- BOO, haha.  Of course, I'd rather deal with that than a risky pregnancy!

This is a completely candid picture of Ben, me, and Jamie that my mother took when we were at my baby checkup.  I love it because this is pretty much how James interacts with my baby at all times.  If it were any other person it would bug the crap outta me, but she is *SO* cute- she is constantly rubbing and baby talking and feeling for kicks, and when it's her it makes me feel good because I know she's doing it 'cause she loves me :-).  She is excited to be Aunt Jamie.


2) Thanksgiving

WOW, what a GREAT day!  Hummis(sp?) and pretzels, Turkey, cranberry salad, green bean casserole, corn casserole, broccli and cheese, marshmallow sweet potatos, mashed potatos and gravy, stuffing, church potatos, devilled eggs, rolls and butter, *deep breath*, pumpkin pie, whipped cheesecake, chocolate swirl cheesecake, cherry pie, raspberry chocolate pie, and ...I really feel like I am forgetting something.
(I just really randomly felt the need to express the fact that I am the world's most horrible speller.  This is not news, it's a known fact.  Of course I don't take advantage of the spell check feature, go figure, but I probably spelled all of those foods wrong.)


Anyways- We couldn't stop laughing the whole day.  My stomache hurt from laughing before I even started eating.  My mother had us write 5 things we were thankful for on 5 strips of paper and toss them in the basket.  We each chose 5 at random from the basket to read at the table, and then we all guessed who wrote each one.  It turned out to be quite humorous and fun!  The strips were taped, stapled, and turned into a garland by Matt and Jessi.

After the meal I had another bleeding episode.  I already went into that.  Afterwards we relaxed and talked a little before eating dessert...  That's when Jamie said something that really stuck in my mind and made me think.  She just looked around, so content, and said, "I LOVE this.  I love that everyone is here and together.  I just miss my sister."  It made me realize how I often take it for granted when my family is all together, healthy,  having a good time, and loving eachother.  I'm spoiled- I get it a lot.  I also realized how much I have my mother to thank for that.  Really and truely, if it weren't for her, Thanksgiving wouldn't have been nearly what it was.  She brought 2 families together as one and hosted a really wonderful day.  And she does that ALL the time-- she can turn ANY event into a holiday or an excuse to bring people together like family.  She's always planning, decorating, cooking, inviting, and making things enjoyable.  I really, really appreciate her and I don't tell her enough.  (Other than, I DO call her "The Food Woman", but I'm not sure that gets the point across.)

Well anyways, after we ate dessert Jessie (Jamie's sister) DID get to join us finally, and we played games- "Apples to Apples" and "Catchphrase".

...I could write more but I am hungry!
Charlie Brown Christmas story is on tonight at 8.
:-)
I freakin love that!

ForeverLove

Oh, Baby!

Thanksgiving with the Ellwood family was really good :).
Baby and I had an adventure today.  First, we had cheesecake, which is an adventure in itself.  And we got to take a trip to Labor and Delivery at the hospital in Dover, Ohio. 
I was bleeding (again, for the third time in 5 weeks).
I wasn't having contractions.
Baby is ok- good heart rate, healthy fetal movement.
"They" keep saying it's probably placental damage that heals itself, and to watch it carefully and come back immediately if it happens again, or if I feel any tightening in my uterus.
*????*  It's just kinda frusterating.  Every 2 weeks I am bleeding (which they tell me is not normal), I HAVE had tightening in my uterus (which they tell me is not good at this stage) and yet everytime I go to get checked everything is A-OK  and they don't know what causes the placenta damage or whatever it is.  grrr.  I'm GLAD everything is ok-  it's just that I don't want to keep making emergency trips to the hospital every several days for unexplained bleeding, just to hear that it is unexplainable!  ...ya know?
Also, I had a sinus headache ALL day (literally, since I woke up at 7:30.  It hasn't gone away), which is also frusterating because I've been taking Amoxacillon for DAYS for a freakin sinus infection.  WHY won't it go AWAY? :-(  It makes me so grumpy.

...these are very small frustrations.  And I am THANKFUL for that! :-)  I have NO big worries.  I am in need of nothing.  I want for nothing.  The baby is good.  I'll kick this sinus problem- (I'll put up a fight and knock it out, I'm not kidding.  I've lived with it for 13-15 weeks and I'll do whatever it takes to make is STOP! ugh.)  I am alive and healthy (well, generally, haha).  My family is alive and healhy.  I have a warm apartment and a cozy bed to sleep in.  As a matter of fact, I am real thankful for that right now because I am about to pass out.

Night.

Tgiving

I am so freakin excited for Thanksgiving!  OOOH I love this time of year!
Thursday: I get to go to Dover, Ohio to have Thanksgiving with the whole Ellwood family.  I see my bro-in-law, Daniel, for the first time since he left for Norwich University in Aug.  Him and the extended fam will see me prego for the first time.  (well, NOTICABLY prego.)
Sunday: Thanksgiving dinner with the Sanders' family!!!  (+ Jamie and Stephan, Deb and her doggies, and maybe Jessie)  I LOVEloveLOVE Thanksgiving with my family.  LOVE IT!  ...one of my most favoritest days of the whole entire year!  mmmmmmmm!
...I don't even like turkey.  I never eat turkey on Thanksgiving.  But I would absolutely die without my mother's creamy stuffing and marshmallow sweet potatos and whatever desert she decides to make.

This time last year I wanted a baby SO BAD.  Children make this time of year SO much more magical.  Since my youngest brother turned into more of a teenager than a kid I have really missed children being around during the holidays.  Even though baby is still in my belly, I already feel like things are more special.  I just get this major jolt of excitement when I think about sharing times like this with him when he is OUTSIDE of my belly :).  Man, I really can't wait!
...well, inside of my belly or out, baby is still in for a treat indeed, and I am ready for lotsa baby kicks!


FIVE MONTH PREGNANT BELLY PICTURES ON MY MYSPACE!!!!  :-)

for hurricanes have, the bluest eyes I've ever seen.

"I am pining for your mercy,
for this storm to break,
Lord you are my comfort,
the hope for which I wait."

LiveJournal,
Life is mostly back to "normal" since the "hurricane". 
I'm not even gunna lie- It feels SO GOOD!
Everything is much more relaxed, and altogether more happy.  My family is getting along GREAT.  ...No more sitting around and worrying.  ...Much less tension in the air.  I am much less naive, haha!-- Ignorance is bliss, but also reckless.  I made a reckless, naive decision, and I learned a ginormous lesson.  And NO, the lesson I learned was NOT that no one can be trusted.  There are many beautiful and trustworthy people out there.  The lesson I learned was to KNOW a person before I trust them (and confide in them).
Anyways, there are still some loose ends I'd really like to tie up.  I don't know when or how, but it'll happen.  SO much has happened so far.  I thought I'd have to wait and be patient FOREVER, but I MADE the decision to give it to the Lord and wait patiently, and he worked faster than I expected.  I consider it a miracle, really.  I mean, I felt like I was flat on the ground with my face in the mud and that it would be impossible to stand and see the sunlight again.  I felt absolutely betrayed and stomped on and attacked and utterly heartbroken.  Then, within a matter of days I felt such a gracious peace and comfort, and a beautiful love.  Wow!- Only God!  ...My heart still drops a little when I think about the biggest victim, but I am beginning to have more confidence in his strength.

I've started dreaming and planning for a future that would best benefit my family (baby, Ben, and I).  I have this fantastic degree that is mostly useless without a few finishing touches (called a GENERALIST ENDORSEMENT).  Before baby came into my life my plan was to finish my endorsement and my MA, then find a full time teaching position.  BUT, now I'd like to find a job in my field (preferably tutoring this summer and substituting in the fall) just until I can knock out this stinkin' endorsement, and then apply for full time teaching positions before the end of next school year.  If all goes as planned, I'll have secured a good job by fall of 2009, and then I'll start working on my MA during the summers.  I feel REALLY good about those plans :-D.  It feels good to feel good!

FRIENDS
I've also been thinking about friends, and how I am absolutely, bottom line, the most BLESSED girl in the entire, whole world.  I only have a handful of close friends, and I've never felt the need to have more.  As a matter of fact, it is actually a struggle for me to come up with the time and energy (and interest) it takes to make new friends and be close to them.  I think that's because I am SO fulfilled with who I have- I'd rather dedicate all my time to them.   There is a time and a place for new friends- I'm definitely not closed off to the idea.  I'm just not out searching for it.

My friends are beautiful.  I am proud of them.  SO proud.  I want all of the best things in the world for them, and they want the same for me.  I can run to them any time of any day, for any reason, and they don't need to say a word- I know they love me, and I love them.  They are my refuge from drama, and the world's judgement.  They REALLY KNOW me- I don't hide any part of me, I trust them so much.  *THANK YOU, GOD.  Why have you found me worthy of such a blessing?  It is so hard to come by, and I have it for LIFE.  Whatever the reason, thank you.  I'll hold your gift so close to my heart and take care of it always.  This friendship is really something worth taking good care of :-)*

I'm out for today!
ForeverLove,
Jess

PS- The famous picture of the baby grabbing the doc's hand is of a 21-week old fetus, the same age as mine is now :-).

Edgar Allen Poe's last words were, "Lord, help my poor soul".

21 weeks pregnant today.  I am in sooo much pain.  Feet, legs, back.  ouch.
I keep thinking really really silly thoughts.
Today's silly thought: "I've got to stop saying that under my breath.  The baby can hear me now."
Haha.
.....wow.


I crave Wendy's.  Oh well.  At least it's cheap.

I need to take 5 month pictures.


My parents are seeing the Blue Men Group at Nationwide tonight.  I'm jelous.  I love them!

This is why I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT THE DEATH PENALTY IS JUST:

 Damien Echols, 19 years old                                             Damien Echols, 30 years old

Damien Echols was convicted of the murders of three eight year old boys in 1994, and sentenced to death.  There has been no evidence found to directly link him to the crime, other than the testimonials of two people, who both recanted their testimonies claiming they were coerced by police investigators.  One of them, Vicki Hutchinson, said that  "the police had insinuated if she did not cooperate with them they would take away her child, and that she implicated Echols to avoid facing criminal charges, and to gain a reward for the discovery of the murders."

John Mark Byers, adoptive father of one of the eight year old victims, gave a knife to a camera man filming a documentary of the murder case.  The camera man discovered blood on the knife and turned it into the West Memphis police, who found that the blood matched both John Mark Byers' and his adopted son's blood type.

Bite marks were discovered on the victims.  Echols submitted imprints of his teeth, but a match was not made.  John Mark Byers had his teeth removed after the first trial, never offering a consistant reason for their removal.

In 2007, "a hair from Terry Hobbs, stepfather to Stevie Branch, one of the eight year old victims, was found tied into the knots used to bind the victims."   Pamela Hobbs, Stevie Branch's mother, "has come out in favor of a retrial and says she believes her ex-husband may have committed the crime."

John  Mark Byers also claims he now believes Damien Echols is innocent, and is in favor of further investigation and a retrial.




OTHER FACTS ABOUT THE DEATH PENALTY

It costs far more to execute a person than to keep him or her in prison for life.

States without the death penalty have much lower murder rates. The South accounts for 80% of US executions and has the highest regional murder rate.

One in twenty death row inmates is later found not guilty.

Newly-available DNA evidence has allowed the exoneration of more than one person per year since 1992 in the U.S., but DNA evidence is only available in a fraction of capital cases.


A CHRISTIAN PERSPECTIVE

It seems that it is a pretty common Christian belief that the death penalty is just.  I didn't research statistics (although I should for curiosity's sake), but I figure it's common knowledge that a vast majority of Christians consider themselves conservatives (republicans), and another vast majority of republicans are for the death penalty.

However, as a follower of Jesus Christ, I do NOT believe he advocated the death penalty.  As a matter of fact, Jesus himself was executed UNJUSTLY, was he not?

In Jesus's day, adultery was punishable by death according to the Jewish law.  When an adultress was caught IN THE ACT and brought to Jesus, he told the people that only those without sin could cast the first stone.  He actually put a stop to a lawful execution!

Jesus, in his serman on the mount, said, “You have heard that it was said, ‘an eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say to you, do not resist one who is evil. But if anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also; if anyone would sue you and take your coat, let him have your cloak as well; and if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles.” [Mt. 5:38-41]  According to biblical, historical scholars, the old testament "eye for an eye" principle was not meant to be taken literally.  It simply meant that the law was to provide equitable retaliation for an offended party, and is often interpretted to mean equivalent monetary compensation.  Scholars believe that Jesus was not critisizing the Jewish law, but he was calling his followers to seek forgiveness and love, even when they had a just claim to vengeance. 

Jesus also said, “You have heard that it was said to the men of old, ‘You shall not kill; and whoever kills shall be liable to judgment.’ But I say to you that every one who is angry with his brother shall be liable to judgment.” [Mt. 5:21-f.]




........I just found out that DNA evidence was found that could set Damien Echols in the clear, so I thought I'd throw all that out there.  I can't imagine innocently living on death row for 13 years!  wow.  My mind just can't wrap around how people can think that in our corrupt society the death penalty is just.  OH, and also- the other boy who testified against Damian Echols had such a low IQ he was considered mentally retarded.  I researched several cases in which mentally retarded people were interrogated, and they confessed to comitting crimes they were later found to be innocent of.  I watched a video of a mentally retarded man who was convicted of murdering a woman when he was 16, and died by lethal injection when he was 35.  That was 19 years of our tax dollars paying for appeal after appeal.  It would have been cheaper for us (tax paying citizens) had he just spent the rest of his life in prison.

What the frick is wrong with me?

Today should have been a fantastic day, but I was miserible.

Possible Causes: Depression*Hormones*Lack of Sleep*Anxiety

I woke up at 7 this morning to get ready for my ultrasound.  I was so excited I could barely sleep last night!  In the waiting room at the doc's office I suddenly felt this complete, depressing lack of interest., and then I started getting nervous and had the urge to run out of the office, and deny that I had an appointment, or that there was a baby in my belly, or that it was the ultrasound day that I have been OH SO EXCITED for for the past TWO freaking MONTHS!  I have NO clue why these feelings SUDDENLY crept over me.

They finally took me back to the ultrasound room, gelled my belly up, layed me back, turned on the screen etc., and I actually had to MAKE myself LOOK at the screen.  I wanted to look away and pretend like nothing was happening-- get it done and over with, then go home.

The baby was healthy.  Dr. King checked the brain, arms, legs, heart, spinal cord, placenta, cervix, etc.  Everything looked good.  We got a print out of the baby's face, profile, hand, foot, crotchal region, and spinal cord.  She had some trouble telling what the gender was, due to his crossed legs, but she was really leaning towards it being a BOY.  She saw something that may have looked like a girl once, but then saw other things that made her lean more towards it being a boy.  I asked her how sure she was, but she wouldn't tell me.  (I wonder if people have yelled at her before for being wrong?)  She told me, "Let's just say, don't paint your walls pink or blue.  Stick to beige.  Beige is a safe color.  And keep the tags on anything you buy."  Despite what she said, I'm fairly certain she was atleast a little confident that it was a boy, because she gave me FOUR ultrasound pictures of what looks like a little penis (or a "turtle" as she called it) and she didn't print out any of the pics that made it look like a girl.  I think she was just trying to be safe, but I am really fairly confident that it is a boy.  ...but there is ALWAYS that chance I am wrong, so I am definitely going to stick to neutral things!

***NOTE TO PEOPLE WHO HAVE HAD BABY BOYS: I am going to post ultrasound pics of baby crotch.  Please take a look at them and let me know if they look anything like the baby boy pictures you got, ok?***

ANYWAYS-- After the ultrasound I broke down.  I threw a fit and told my momma to take me home, and I sat in her car and balled my eyes out.  I started thinking all of these AWFUL, UNTRUE, IRRATIONAL thoughts like: "why did I ever want a baby?  I just want to go home and live my own life.  I don't like this anymore, I just want it all to be over."  Those thoughts lasted a whole 2 seconds before I IMMEDIATELY felt extremely guilty and realized that I DID want the baby and I didn't mean any of it.  I felt SO horrible for thinking those things, even if just for a split second.  I actually appologized to the baby, as if he knew what was going on, lol.  My God, though, I felt SO guilty!  I LOVE this baby, and I've been TERRIFIED of ANYTHING that could possibly go wrong.  I just was so SAD, and had no idea WHY. 

...then Ben called in the middle of my pity fest and got really upset.  He said, "Jessica!  You should NOT be upset right now!  We just saw amazing US footage of OUR baby moving and kicking inside of you!  He's healthy, and you should be thankful and excited!"  You'll never guess the pathetic response I came up with!  I started crying even harder and said, "You're right.  I'm selfish and pathetic.  I'm not cut out to be a mother.  I'm a horrible mother."  Ben told me I just needed more sleep, which is more than likely true.  Then he asked me to please send him pictures of the ultra sound so he could show them off to the people at his work :-).  I was glad that he was so happy and excited, and I felt really bad that I wasn't happy and excited with him.  I should have been and I wasn't :-(.  BUT WHY???  WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME??? 

I know I'll cheer up soon.  This is precious, and I love it.  I want it.  Everything is going well.  It couldn't go better!  When I do cheer up, I'll probably be so excited and happy and in love that I won't be able to contain it :-).


***ULTRASOUND PICTURES***

This is baby crotch.  The arrow is pointing to what Dr. King thought was a penis.  The bright white stripe below the arrow is the thigh bone.

Girls who have recently had baby boys and remember their ultrasounds, does this look like a baby boy to you?

Another baby crotch shot...

Baby boy?


Now, this is the picture that threw my doc. off.  The arrow is pointing at what might be a baby penis, BUT to the left of it are the three white stripes of the umbilical cord.  So, is the arrow pointing to a penis or the umbilical cord between baby's legs?  uh oh!

This is baby's bent elbow and hand.

This is the side of baby's face (left) and spine

Baby's face

Another of Baby's face

Foot


Wellp, that's all I got!
Love,
Jess

Journaling and Pregnancy

I love to blog.  I love to journal.  I have a box packed full of handwritten journals I have filled up...  :-) 
Also, I really enjoyed Xanga before I decided to go with MySpace instead, because it was all about the blogging.
Sooo...  I decided to give LiveJournal a try!

TWENTY WEEKS PREGNANT and the aches and pains have begun!  My lower back hurts constantly (because of the extra weight all out in front, maybe?) and I've started to have these sharp pains that run down my thigh- it hurts to walk!  People have been telling me it's pregnancy related.

20 Week Fetus:
He's about 6 and a half inches long, crown to rump, according to internet research.
He kicks me ALL THE TIME!  Every time I am lying still he kicks around in there.  This is so comforting, although, since he moves around so much I actually start to get worried when a few minutes go by and I haven't felt him.
On Friday night he was kicking really hard, and I thought that just MAYBE I'd be able to feel it with my hand.  I laid flat on my back for several minutes with my hands on my abdomen, and YUP!-- He kicked my hands and I FELT IT!  :-D.  It was so amazing!

ULTRASOUND ON MONDAY!!!!!!!  I really, really, REALLY hope they can find out the gender.  If it's a girl I'm going to have to get used to NOT saying "he".  After about 16 weeks of saying "he", "she" is going to be so weird, though.  ...I'll get used to it.

I love it when random people you've never met look at you and tell you what you are having.  The other day this cute little (French?) lady came into the store where I work and told me (in her cute little accent) that I was having a girl because my face was puffy.  HAHA- Thanks a LOT lady-now I know it's obvious to strangers who've never seen me before that my face is swollen!  Plus, I've never heard of a correlation between swollen faces and baby girls.

THINGS THAT ARE NOT FUN  ABOUT PREGNANCY:
1) headaches.  yuck.
2) I eat TWO jr. bacon cheeseburgers and a Caesar side salad from Wendy's and am still starving
3) I will randomly gag and loose my appetite in the middle of meals
4) the aches and pains, of course
5) worrying.  all the time.  'Is he healthy?  Am I lifting too much?  Is my shower too hot?  Why isn't he moving?'
6) My  balance has been completely thrown off.  I was a clutz before and now I am super clutz.  My drinks end up on my shirt and I trip over air. 
7) I walk SO FRIGGIN SLOW.  I feel like a slug.
8) air-headedness.  seriously.  I will look for something that is right in front of my face and won't be able to find it.  I've always been a ditz but it is worse now.  And, yes- this IS a pregnancy symptom.  Not sure why, but it is.  I'm not just blaming it on pregnancy; it's a really real symptom.

I gotta get ready for church!
-Jess