for hurricanes have, the bluest eyes I've ever seen.

"I am pining for your mercy,
for this storm to break,
Lord you are my comfort,
the hope for which I wait."

LiveJournal,
Life is mostly back to "normal" since the "hurricane". 
I'm not even gunna lie- It feels SO GOOD!
Everything is much more relaxed, and altogether more happy.  My family is getting along GREAT.  ...No more sitting around and worrying.  ...Much less tension in the air.  I am much less naive, haha!-- Ignorance is bliss, but also reckless.  I made a reckless, naive decision, and I learned a ginormous lesson.  And NO, the lesson I learned was NOT that no one can be trusted.  There are many beautiful and trustworthy people out there.  The lesson I learned was to KNOW a person before I trust them (and confide in them).
Anyways, there are still some loose ends I'd really like to tie up.  I don't know when or how, but it'll happen.  SO much has happened so far.  I thought I'd have to wait and be patient FOREVER, but I MADE the decision to give it to the Lord and wait patiently, and he worked faster than I expected.  I consider it a miracle, really.  I mean, I felt like I was flat on the ground with my face in the mud and that it would be impossible to stand and see the sunlight again.  I felt absolutely betrayed and stomped on and attacked and utterly heartbroken.  Then, within a matter of days I felt such a gracious peace and comfort, and a beautiful love.  Wow!- Only God!  ...My heart still drops a little when I think about the biggest victim, but I am beginning to have more confidence in his strength.

I've started dreaming and planning for a future that would best benefit my family (baby, Ben, and I).  I have this fantastic degree that is mostly useless without a few finishing touches (called a GENERALIST ENDORSEMENT).  Before baby came into my life my plan was to finish my endorsement and my MA, then find a full time teaching position.  BUT, now I'd like to find a job in my field (preferably tutoring this summer and substituting in the fall) just until I can knock out this stinkin' endorsement, and then apply for full time teaching positions before the end of next school year.  If all goes as planned, I'll have secured a good job by fall of 2009, and then I'll start working on my MA during the summers.  I feel REALLY good about those plans :-D.  It feels good to feel good!

FRIENDS
I've also been thinking about friends, and how I am absolutely, bottom line, the most BLESSED girl in the entire, whole world.  I only have a handful of close friends, and I've never felt the need to have more.  As a matter of fact, it is actually a struggle for me to come up with the time and energy (and interest) it takes to make new friends and be close to them.  I think that's because I am SO fulfilled with who I have- I'd rather dedicate all my time to them.   There is a time and a place for new friends- I'm definitely not closed off to the idea.  I'm just not out searching for it.

My friends are beautiful.  I am proud of them.  SO proud.  I want all of the best things in the world for them, and they want the same for me.  I can run to them any time of any day, for any reason, and they don't need to say a word- I know they love me, and I love them.  They are my refuge from drama, and the world's judgement.  They REALLY KNOW me- I don't hide any part of me, I trust them so much.  *THANK YOU, GOD.  Why have you found me worthy of such a blessing?  It is so hard to come by, and I have it for LIFE.  Whatever the reason, thank you.  I'll hold your gift so close to my heart and take care of it always.  This friendship is really something worth taking good care of :-)*

I'm out for today!
ForeverLove,
Jess

PS- The famous picture of the baby grabbing the doc's hand is of a 21-week old fetus, the same age as mine is now :-).